The Music of True Blood, Episode 1.3: Gay Pimps, Vampire Blood and "Soccer Practice"

Alan Ball was known for his masterful use of music in Six Feet Under. He's lost none of his touch when it comes to his current HBO series, True Blood - which happens to be set in the Louisiana swamps, not terribly far from Houston. With Season 2 just completed, Rocks Off is now working our way backwards through the episodes we missed as HBO begins reruns.

Episode 1.3, "Mine"

Let's talk gay pimps and drug addiction, shall we?

Just behind Sister Gertrude Morgan in terms of sheer oddity that we've covered in this column comes a man called McGovern, Jonny. Reviled but inspired by rap music and Eminem's notorious fag-bashing interviews, McGovern set out to use rap and hip-hop to strike back in the name of LGBTs everywhere. Thus was born his show The Wrong Fag to Fuck With: The Gay Pimp vs. Eminem.

In it, The Gay Pimp was a pop superhero that battled Eminem to the buttsex at the MTV Movie Awards, leaving Marshall Mathers humiliated. We haven't had this much fun at Eminem's expense since ICP released "Eminem Ain't Nothing But a Bitch."

After the songs from the show started getting regular play in New York nightclubs, McGovern recorded a video for the song "Soccer Practice," which also went into heavy rotation in dance clubs and the internet. Since then, he's quietly built up a reputation as a gay icon and music mogul, working as a writer, performer, and producer for various groups. Among the most fascinating is La'Mady, a transsexual rap supergroup. McGovern also has one of the highest-rated gay comedy podcast in the world, Gay Pimpin' with Jonny McGovern, hosted by himself and Linda James.

Apparently McGovern's work is a favorite of Bon Temp's most fabulous resident, Lafayette, who utilizes McGovern's music for immoral purposes. See, Lafayette is a cook and bartender in Merlotte's, where our heroine Sookie Stackhouse waits tables, but he runs three lucrative side businesses. The first is his work as a prostitute, particularly for local politicians. The second is as a drug dealer.

Now, the Sookie Stackhouse universe has all the regular drugs that we indulge on this side of the TV screen, but it also has V. In a just world, this drug would turn you into a lizard-man, but in reality is does a lot of more pleasant but less cool things. V is the blood of vampires, with Anne Rice rules regarding age being equal to potency. Ingesting V can heal pretty significant wounds.

It also increase your strength, sense, and best of all your libido. V sells for between $200 to $400 a vial depending on the vampire it came from, and the selling of V is looked way down upon by both human cops and vampires. The cops usually arrest you, and the vamps usually play with your vitals. Still, it's popular enough that people will do anything for it, including Sookie's brother Jason. Having gotten hooked on V, he agrees to participate in Lafayette's third extracurricular activity; cam whoring. Set to Jonny McGovern's "Soccer Practice," we present the most awkward sexy dance in history.

See you next Friday!

True Blood airs Saturdays at 9 p.m. on HBO.


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