It's time for another edition of Lone Star Scorecard, where we perform the valuable service of shining the harsh spotlight of anal retention on classic (and less so) songs about our beloved state. You're welcome.
Jimmie Rodgers, "Blue Yodel #1 (T for Texas)"
We're a little confused...you're apparently fond of Texas and Tennessee, hence the shout outs in the chorus, but you want to shoot Thelma, to whom you also refer. And why do you also have to buy a shotgun? Isn't the pistol you're going to shoot Thelma with equal to the task of killing the "rounder" who stole her away? Maybe he has unnaturally thick skin. Or maybe America's gun laws are too lax.
Fightin' Texas Aggie Band, "Aggie War Hymn"
Texas A&M's burning desire to "beat the hell out of t.u. [sic]" is duly noted, but perhaps the lines about Varsity's horns being sawed off and showing the "real old fight" should be amended until the football team raises their all-time win percentage against the Longhorns above, say, 35 percent.
Bob Murphey, "Excitement in Nacogdoches"
We didn't really have to get past the title of this one. Having been to Nacogdoches on a few occasions, we can safely assert that there hasn't been much excitement in those parts since The Ranch burned down.