Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and, sometimes awkwardly, tie it to a bit of Houston rap. It's five videos and occasional cussing. Send tips to email@example.com.
In June 2007, we became papa to twin boys. It was wild. And they were so, so beautiful the first time we saw them. Actually, "beautiful" isn't the right word; at least, not literally. That's just something fathers get used to saying because it's easier than explaining the truth.
The experience was amazing (we were in the room when it happened), and the concept of having our own children was beautiful. But at birth, no, they themselves technically weren't very attractive. They were pretty much the opposite of that. "Gross" is a more accurate term. They were all purple and bloody and gooey and their heads were shaped like ball point pens. They looked like tiny versions of that guy from the original Hills Have Eyes. Those first few seconds were really off-putting.
But they are rambunctious, goofy, lively man-cubs now, and our life is completely devoted to them. It's wonderful fun, even though every day they do at least one thing that makes us think that God hates us.
Trae, "I Could Use Somebody"
Thursday evening, for example, Boy B, who periodically has the disposition of a bag full of wasps, thought it appropriate to drop a roll of electrical tape into our drink during dinner.
We couldn't even tell you where he even found electrical tape, only that he had it and, apparently, was in dire need of a place to set it down. He just strolled up, dropped it in before we could react - you see a two-year-old holding electrical tape, "Protect your drink" ain't the first thing that comes to mind - and then walked off.
A toddler, or he at least, is very protective of his beverages. Touching his drink before he has completely finished it is sacrilege, so we have to assume what he did was his way of saying, "Hey, fuckface. Eat it."
Trae, "Universal Language"
That's just the way things go. But then he'll hug us or ask us to help him catch a lizard and we realize we would kill for him (or at least raise our voice at a stranger). Because being a father is the greatest, most important thing that has ever happened to us. Which is why we want to make sure that we send a hearty congratulations to Trae, one of our favorite rappers, on the birth of his newest son, Houston. (Of course he named him Houston.)
We'll be looking for Houston's mixtape to be dropping in about two weeks. In the meantime, get after it with these five fatherhoodly rap songs.
Lil Jared feat. Trae, "Ballin', Smashin'"
Trae actually has a song called "You Are So Special" that we wanted to link to because the second verse is dedicated to his son D'Neeko and it owns, but somehow it has not been uploaded to YouTube. A video of a gummy bear riding in a lowrider has more than 25 million hits, yet no one has uploaded "You Are So Special." Unacceptable.
Nas, "Me And You"
Somehow we dislike and like this song at the same time. It's like how we feel about Paul Wall, except we all also like it.
Will Smith, "Just The Two Of Us"
Will Smith might be the most talented man of our generation. We honestly could not imagine our life without him. We would sooner give up air than watching reruns of Fresh Prince. Even still, we thought this song was sooooo lame the first time we heard it. Then we had kids. Now it almost makes us cry every single time we watch it.
The part about Em sitting up and crying because he couldn't afford Christmas presents is just awful. It's stuff like that makes us put up with his stupid, stupid prescription glasses. Seriously, is it just us, or do rappers in eyeglasses make everyone absolutely furious? We don't know what it is. It's like, they put on some glasses and all of sudden they're intellectuals? E-40 is the biggest terd when it comes to this, but Master P is a close second.
Also, isn't the term "eyeglasses" redundant? Are there glasses for other parts of your body? Buttglasses perhaps? (They'd help you get your shit more in focus, we presume... badum-tsssh!)
Tupac Shakur, "Letter 2 My Unborn Child"
Sometimes we feel like Tupac was wildly overrated. Those times are mostly when we're listening to this song. Then we watch that clip of him in Nothing But Trouble with Digital Underground and we realize we're just being a revisionist dick. Tupac was great. There's no way around it. Sorry.
Thanks for your support. Have a good weekend.