Lewd, crude, and equal-opportunity rude, Detroit's D12 are as nasty as they wanna be.
Boasts about audicious rapes. Graphicly vicious psycho killer rhymes. Gratuitious brown-LSD overdose fantasies.
Extreme as the rundown nightmare metropolis they hail from, D12 are to rap what psychedlic acid-gobbling bands are to rock and roll, with a gruesome Friday the 13th twist. As the late Proof - Detroit hip-hop legend and Eminem hypeman/buddy - bragged on "Pistol Pistol," "I'm the hot nigga that's gonna put hell out of business."
Did D12 put hell out of business? Not quite, but they sure as heck tried. And now the surviving crew - Swifty, Bizarre, Kon Artis, Kuniva, and superstar/token white-boy/recovering addict Eminem - are touring in advance of a forthcoming third album.
One suspects that they won't be in the mood for the sort of song suggestions that Heckler's Delight advocated, but screw 'em: if you put down ducats for a ticket, you've got every right to capitalize on between-banger lulls to yell requests. Here are a few ideas.
The Backstreet Boys, "Just Want You To Know":
Apropos, because this gooey pop power-ballad hooey was supposed to be Backstreet's sure-thing "comeback" single in advance of 2005's Never Gone
. (Given that D-12 haven't dropped an album since 2004's D-12
World, it fits.) The Heavy Metal Parking Lot-indebted video - remember videos - found the Boys play-acting as meatheads and hair-metal superstars.
"Just Want You To Know" was simultaneously crazy hokey stupid and the most awesome thing the boy-band ever came out with (the video, anyway). D-12 won't take this particular bait, I don't think, but it's pretty funny to imagine these dudes co-harmonizing and playing air guitar and headbanging, even though none of them are sporting long, flowing activator-enabled goldilocks. Beg for this one right after D-12 perform boy-band mocking single "My Band."
The Five Satins "In the Still of the Night":
Everybody knows this song. It's one of those a cappella high-school choir group/barbershop quartet staples, like "Silhouettes" or "Mighty Mouse." "In the Still of the Night" is sultry, tender and nuanced, which pretty much makes it anathema to toilet-tongued roughnecks like D-12. But you know what? I bet they'd gamely give it a go, if you asked nicely enough. Of if you were Kim Kardashian.
The Village People "Y.M.C.A.":
See above, except that "Y.M.C.A." is more of gay camp classic, the dreaded sing-a-long that every raucous, drunken wedding reception inventiably is rushing headlong towards. You know every word, even if you think you don't, or if you've never set put in a sweat-reeking, sweat-suit cluttered Y.M.C.A. full of alcoholics and fitness freaks astride expensive exercise equipment.
In most cases, we'd advise aspiring heckler's to keep this one in its codpiece, but D12 strike us as just insane enough to actually perform it, exhausting letter-gesture "dance" and all. And we'd bet you an original, autographed copy of Eminem's pre-fame brick Infinite that cowboy, cop, construction worker, indian, biker and military costumes are stashed somewhere on board the D12 tour bus.
8 p.m., House of Blues, 1204 Caroline, 888-402-5837 or www.hob.com/houston