Oh, Christ: Original Limp Bizkit Lineup to Reunite
Because things aren't already bad enough out there right now, the original lineup of crotch-rocking mooks Limp Bizkit annouced today they are reuniting. Here, according to a joint statement by the band's Fred Durst and Wes Borland, is their reasoning:
"We decided we were more disgusted and bored with the state of heavy popular music than we were with each other."
Well, thanks for that, guys. Here's the catch: So far the band is only booked at festivals in Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union, places apparently so starved for music that even Limp Bizkit sounds like a good idea. The release made no mention of any U.S. dates, and let's just hope it stays that way. Bet the new Live Nation Ticketmaster can't wait to try to sell this one.
Once he finished throwing up in his mouth a little, Rocks Off polled his writers for a modified round of "Who Would You Rather?": What would you rather do or see than witness the reunited Limp Bizkit in concert?
Personally, Rocks Off would rather have intimate relations with whichever groupie was the impetus for Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire." See what else our staff would rather do/see than this unholy abomination after the jump.
"Queen with Paul Rodgers." (Nicholas L. Hall)
"Scat porn starring Rosie O'Donnell and Osama bin Laden." (John Seaborn Gray)
"Pull some pants straight out of the dryer and then, while putting them on, have the fly of my boxers open slightly, thus allowing the piping hot zipper to touch my dong." (Shea Serrano)
"Pee in my own eyes." (Jef With One F)
"Listen to my wife discuss the plot points of the Twilight book series." (Brian McManus)
"My only infant son coughing up blood." (JSG)
"Participate in a lock-in at Zuma with people who really, really enjoy Tyler Perry movies." (SS)
"Learn of a new flesh-eating bacteria that is contained in chocolate." (Greg Ellis)
"Listen to Fall Out Boy covers as interpreted by Fran Drescher... acoustically." (Brigitte Zabak)
"Star in my own series of bukkake DVDs." (Craig Hlavaty)
"Watch Fred Durst's leaked porn film. For the sixth time." (BM)
"Kiss Phillip Seymour Hoffman right on the mouth." (SS)
"Direct a Mormon musical about abstinence." (JWOF)
"Get stoned with Papa Roach lead singer Jacoby Shaddix and listen to him talk about his connection to Mother Earth and why Sacramento is better than L.A." (Ben Westhoff)
"See a Janis Joplin reunion tour." (William Michael Smith)