Drenched in Blog: Dr. Pepper, Axl Rose and Chinese Democracy

Dr. Pepper, that little old soda company from Waco, has jumped onboard the Chinese Democracy Hating Train that began sometime at the end of Bill Clinton's second term in office.

Everyone knows that Guns N' Roses frontman Howard Hughes (I mean Axl Rose) has been working on this Spruce Goose for the past 14 years. Recording has been the stuff of legend, with the sound said to change every few months to cotton to whatever is hot at the time. Be it trip-hop, rap-metal or that strain of nu-rock that's been permeating modern rock radio. You know, the Buck Seether stuff you only hear out here close to the coast. Cough Clear Lake Cough.

The "pepper-flavored" soda company has announced, with tongue firmly in PR executive cheek, that it will supply a can of soda to everyone in America if the record in fact hits stores this year. In an awkward press release, DP stated:

“It took a little patience for us to perfect Dr Pepper’s special mix of 23 ingredients, so we completely understand and empathize with Axl’s [quest] for the perfect album.”

While we are at it, um, who gives a shit about this band anymore? More so, this isn't even the same band, the same way that Paul Rodgers playing with the dudes from Queen isn't Queen. It's the jerk-off from Bad Company slathered in bronzer and acid wash singing at an arena-sized karaoke bar. The record industry is so chaotic and uninhabitable at the moment that the idea of manufacturing some sort of hype over an album of this scale seems quaintly stupid. – Craig Hlavaty

These bro-hims are totally about to make out. In my mind that is.




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