Photo illustrations by John Seaborn Gray

​Kings of Leon Respond Poorly to Mother Nature's Criticism: Last weekend, bro-rock champions Kings of Leon were three songs into a set when a pigeon in the rafters of St. Louis' Verizon Wireless Amphitheater made its opinion known by taking a dump directly into the mouth of bassist Jared Followill.

Lots of people have been figuratively shitting on the Kings over the last couple of years, but to have it happen literally seems to be where the Followill boys draw the line. Without a word, the Kings finished a song and left the stage. A few minutes later, someone came out and announced that the show was over, citing concerns for the band's safety. Not long after that, drummer Nathan tweeted this:

"So sorry St. Louis. We had to bail, pigeons shitting in jareds mouth. Too unsanitary to continue. Don't take it out on Jared, it's the fucking venues fault. You may enjoy being shit on but we don't. Sorry for all who traveled many miles."

Their press release cited the band's decision to go onstage at all as surprising, considering they saw firsthand how badly opening bands The Postelles and The Still had been splattered. Anonymous assholes on the Internet were, as always, highly critical and derisive, one NME commenter named Rgusto saying, "What the fuck happened to real rock stars? The fuggin' Sex Pistols woulda played extra long in these conditions just because!"

claren44 via Flickr

​Nationally, the music buzz may be all about Kanye's somewhat belated discovery of Twitter, Justin Bieber on CSI and the "Teknoviking 2.0," but this week all anyone in Houston seems to be talking about is the impending Fitzgerald's takeover by Free Press Summer Fest partners Omar Afra and Jagi Katial. A few choice comments from Rocks Off's post earlier this week:

Kin Kade: PARTY AT MY HOUSE 2 BLOCKS AWAY!!!!

RadioZero: Lotta memories in that building...here's to many more!

Nathan: I love this. Not like, but love. I would hump this news, I love it so much.

Easy there, Nathan. But it is pretty exciting news.

Personally, although Rocks Off was hardly a regular - the last time we were there was for Billy Bob Thornton & the Boxmasters on our birthday last year - we certainly never held anything against the place. Judging by that calendar up there, if we hadn't been in seventh grade in November 1987, we would have gone almost every night.

​Marshall Mathers III has certainly enjoyed great success, but it hasn't been easy for the guy. He's had difficulty overcoming addiction and depression, and like many of us, he keeps returning to that one bad relationship over and over again. His latest album, Recovery, has brought him back into the forefront of the hip-hop stage, landing him critical praise and chart success his last few albums lacked.

Since his career trajectory seems to be on the upswing again, Rocks Off took the time to figure out ways Slim Shady could screw things up for himself, in hopes that he will heed our cautionary advice. Don't thank us; vaguely condescending meddling is its own reward.

1. Get Back With Kim: Eminem's relationship with high-school sweetheart Kim Scott has been "rocky," in the same way Courtney Love's career has been "erratic": both words are woefully inadequate to describe the exact nature of the situations they apply to. Married, then divorced, then married again, then divorced again, the couple wound up in court when Kim sued Eminem for slander.

In Kim's defense, Shady did write an awful lot of songs about killing her. Clearly, this is one of those couples where both parties feed into one anothers' bad habits and personality flaws, and reuniting would once again find Eminem losing control.

​Fans of self-proclaimed "Punchline King" Lloyd Banks will be pleased to learn that he's mapping out a comeback plan that doesn't include slinging mud at every big enchilada in the industry. With a new album tentatively slated to arrive this fall, Banks says he's as focused on music as ever.

In the meantime, he's putting aside vulgar rhymes to play HIV-awareness advocate alongside G-Unit ally Tony Yayo. Banks sounds off on Hunger For More 2, kicking old habits, stage-crashing fans, and G-Unit's internal rivalries.

Rocks Off: How did G-Unit become a part of the HIV Awareness concert? Did they reach out to you or did you reach out to them?

Lloyd Banks: I'm not sure about the ins and outs of how it all went down. All I know is that I'm definitely for it. I don't know anybody personally that's been touched by AIDS. Regardless, I'm all for the awareness concert. As a man and woman, you gotta be careful about everything you do these days.

Photos by Marc Brubaker

Somosuno

​B L A C K I E, Summer Blondes, The Tontons, Somosuno
Mango's
July 29, 2010

Aftermath had an inkling that we'd wind up at Mango's on Thursday as soon as we heard about the so-called "surprise show." For one, our love of music perpetually drags us out of our home, and when the lineup hit our inbox on Tuesday we did a double take.

After a last-minute decision and a whirlwind rush to the corner of Westheimer and Taft, we hopped out of the car, expecting to have missed Somosuno for the umpteenth time. (Seriously, we have had the worst luck when it comes to being present for one of their sets.) But even at 10:30 the show hadn't started, so we said a quick thanks to the powers that be and made our way around the crowd.

At 10:43 p.m., Somosuno finally began their set, and we dreaded the thought of when our head might actually touch the pillow. The five-piece crew onstage rippoed through an opener with so much movement within the music, but save for a few bobbing heads no one was dancing. As if on cue, frontman Fernando Alejandro quipped, "Y'all look confused. Just move. Feel it."

​This Saturday we'll be Partying Like A Rock Star with Allen Hill and DJ Psychedlic Sex Panther... and maybe Tina Turner, Pink, Zombie Michael Jackson, and probably a few Elvii... or at least some people in attire inspired by famous singers. The event at House of Dereon is a fundraiser benefitting Planned Parenthood's Houston and Southeast Texas.

The fun of the event, other than the music, the food, the booze and the good cause, is that chance to dress in costume a full three months before Halloween. But don't pull that tired week-old Lady Gaga getup out of the closet just yet. You might need a couple of bottles of Valuim and Viarga and an IV drip of Jack Daniels to Party Like A Rock Star, but Rocks Off can at least tell you how to dress like one.

Photo illustration by John Seaborn Gray

​Of all of the Rap Round Table columns that have gone up, none generated more emails than this past Monday's "Which Rappers Would You Fight?" segment. Some people were pissed, some people were entertained, but most everyone had the same basic question: Why didn't anyone list any Houston rappers?

It's a legitimate question. Even considering the rapper responses that didn't make the cut for the column, not one single person listed any Houston dudes. (It's worth mentioning that Yung Redd said that that's exactly what would happen when he we spoke with him about it.)

Big as the city is, most of the rappers here touch hands eventually (except at Trae Day, of course), so maybe it's because nobody wanted to step on any toes. Or maybe it's because they've all taken to airing out their grievances on Twitter like real thugs. Whatever the case may be, they didn't answer.

So we did. For more than 70 living Houston rappers.

Hit the jump for the full guide on which ones you should or should not try to fight if you see them at the Galleria.

Every day Rocks Off trolls the tubes of you in search of videos to share. If you have something that you think deserves to be video of the day, send a link to jef_rouner at yahoo dot com.

PaulS via Flickr

​Houston is twitterpated over the shift in management over at Fitzgerald's. Will Omar Afra and Co. usher a new era of stellar bookings and good pay, and uphold the legend the club has built for 30 years? Or will it all be reduced to an insipid, shoe-gazing, indie-douchebag lair none of us will be cool enough to be allowed inside?

We may argue the future and lament the present, but is there one among us who cannot find some love for the past? Rocks Off will never forget riding the ska wave upstairs at the old club, skankin' until we thought our feet were gonna fall off, or moshing to Peelander-Z, or opening for The Misfits, or a dozen other unforgettable nights all handed to us by Sara Fitzgerald and her staff.

Attention local musicians, music bloggers and music organizations: have something that should be included in Magnolia City Mixtape? Leave a comment below or email brittanie.shey (at) houstonpress (dot) com.

• The Caprolites soothe our summer boredom with their new video for "I Need A lot," above.

• Craig Hlavaty and MCM mused after Sunday night's Lady Gaga show that the singer was likely to afterparty it up at Dirt Bar. She wasn't there Sunday night, but she did go Monday, according to Culturemap. Sunday night she apparently had dinner post-concert at Spanish Flowers.

• Warrior Spirit, reportedly America's first band composed entirely of wounded veterans, is looking for some new members, specifically musically inclined (and injured) veterans of Operations Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom. The group is holding open-mike auditions at its Military Appreciation Night this evening in House of Blues' Bronze Peacock Room. There's also a raffle. No cover; doors open at 7 p.m.

​Bob Marley: The Untold Story
By Chris Salewicz

Music journalist Chris Salewicz hasn't been afraid to tackle the big names in print. In addition to his work as a features writer at NME from 1974-81 and active freelancer, he's previously penned biographies on Paul McCartney, Jimi Hendrix, Mick & Keef and, most recently, Joe Strummer.

With this new effort, Salewicz turns his attention to the Tuff Gong himself. Rcks Off spoke with him - well, actually e-mailed - he's in England, and overseas phone calls are expensive! - about the reggae king's life, prodigious brood, the origins of rap and how Houstonian Johnny Nash helped launch Marley's career.

Rocks Off: There have already been a number of Marley biographies, memoirs from his wife and manager, and one book (Catch a Fire), which has been considered "definitive." What did you want to do differently?

Chris Salewicz: I love Tim White's Catch a Fire. Tim was a great friend, and it was very, very sad when he died suddenly in 2002. When I'd written the text for Songs of Freedom, the authorized-by-Bob's-family picture book I did with photographer Adrian Boot, Tim had commended me on it, and said he didn't understand why no one else had written a full-scale biography of Bob. I always felt that gave me the impetus for this.