Five Unfortunate Professional Athlete Names

L.J. Hoes is back with the Astros after being called up from AAA Oklahoma City, and this time he has a fun new jersey number. We wrote last week about how the outfielder's name made for a popular T-shirt.

Hoes's move back to the majors got us thinking about what other professional athletes have unfortunate names.

With that in mind, here's a list of professional athletes with funny -- and totally sexual -- names:

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Hair Balls Viral Video Box Set, Father's Day Weekend Edition

A perfect Father's Day gift.
I hope all of you fathers out there had a great Father's Day. I hope you got everything that you expected, which I know for many of you was a few peaceful hours on the couch to fall asleep to the U.S. Open (and this year's Open was quite conducive to catching a few winks).

If you're one of those dads where your kids get you actual presents, hey, that's pretty cool, too. With my kids, it's hit or miss, and I'm totally cool with that. Some years I get stuff, and other years, I don't, but I always get a few kind words, and that's all I want.

This year, I got a little bit of both.

My 16 year old daughter gave me a card that she wrote entirely herself, was incredibly humbling and may have made the room a little dusty. A few kind words requirement, fulfilled. Meanwhile, my two sons knocked the "tangible gift" category out of the park with this....

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Goodbye, Sochi: Top 10 Memories of the 2014 Winter Olympics

Sky News on Youtube
The Pussy Riot beatdown at Sochi.
I am not a big Olympics guy, it's just never been my thing.

There, I said it. I've actually said it many times. I don't hate the Olympics, I'm just not all that interested.

But my disinterest does start to border on disdain when some of you track and field or figure skating people start to act like I'm a terrorist mole at CTU during a season of 24 because I'm not in front of my television draped in the American flag every night cheering for our American athletes.

Now that we're clear where me and the Olympics stand with each other, allow me to proclaim the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi my favorite Olympics of all time!

It's not even close. And it has virtually nothing to do with medal counts, judges scores, or feats of athleticism.

Let's take a look back at my ten favorite things of the Sochi Olympics:

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Mr. Perfect 2014: J.J. Watt's Ice Hockey Instagram

Is there ANYTHING this guy can't do?
Back in the late '80s, WWE (then known by its old acronym of the WWF, but for purposes of the here and now, we will call it "WWE") was introducing a repackaged (and significantly more steroid-fueled) Curt Hennig to its viewing audience.

When last the WWE faithful had seen Curt Hennig, he was a scrawny, plucky and very pale "jobber to the stars," wrestling parlance for a nine seed in the NBA's Western Conference.

Six years later, tanned and gassed up to the gills on dianabol, he would be spoon-fed to the audience as "Mr. Perfect," a brash, cocky heel, and to convey just how "perfect" he was, Hennig would show off his totally edited and contrived prowess in numerous sports outside of wrestling. The vignettes were the stuff of legend, as cheesy as they were memorable.

Here they are (and I promise, I'm going somewhere J.J. Watt-related with this)....

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Houston Needs a National Hockey League Team: An Open Letter

Categories: Hockey, Sports

Houston Aeros
Dear Whoever Has Enough Money To Buy Hockey Teams:

Two weeks ago my hockey-loving husband and I headed up to the Big D. to watch the NY Rangers take on the Dallas Stars. As transplants from New York, we were rooting for the Rangers, and (no surprise) they won. Regardless of victor, the American Airlines Arena was completely packed. As we pushed our way out of the crowd, we both mused to each other the same question:

Why in the hell doesn't Houston have a national hockey team?

When the Houston Aeros, Houston's AHL team, announced last year that they would not be returning to H-Town in the 2013-2014 season but rather picking up and moving to Des Moines, Iowa as the Iowa Wild, Houston lost the closest thing it had to a hockey pastime. The rumors as to why the Aeros split town have less to do with Houston's interest in the sport and more to do with cashola. Apparently, the Minnesota Wild, the Aeros' affiliate NHL team, couldn't come up with a lease agreement with the Toyota Center - someone wanted more money and someone wanted to pay less, you guess which was which.

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Yes, Even the ESPYs Has Wagering Odds, and Here They Are!

Nobody does "self-congratulatory disguised as congratulating others" better than ESPN, and if that's the soapbox that I have climbed atop today, then you know it must be time for the ESPYs!

For years, the Wednesday after the Major League Baseball All-Star Game was known for one thing: It was the one day out of the calendar year that bookies could go out to dinner with their loved ones (assuming they had some) because there were literally no sporting events, and hence nothing upon which to gamble.

Then in 1993, along came the ESPYs, and suddenly the Wednesday after the All Star Game had a purpose.

And then, sometime between 1993 and my check of e-mail this morning, along came wagering on the ESPYs, and with that the bookies were screwed out of their one day off a year.

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Guns and Hoses: How You Can Help the Families of the Four Fallen Houston Firefighters

Click for larger image.
If you're looking for the definition of courage, a good place to start would be along Houston's Southwest Freeway back on May 31, where a burning hotel and restaurant took the lives of four Houston area firefighters and injured five more.

Most of us see a fire like that, and our first instinct is to run away, to get out, partially because it's what we are taught, but mostly because we are scared.

For Captain EMT Matthew Renaud, Engineer Operator EMT Robert Bebee, Firefighter EMT Robert Garner and Probationary Firefighter Anne Sullivan, along with the rest of the First Responders that day, their first instinct was to run into the fire, partially because as firefighters it's what they're taught, but mostly because whatever fear they may have felt was overridden by a sense of duty and a selfless desire to help and save others.

Running into a fire. Does it get any more courageous than that?

As we go forward, celebrating the memory of the fallen does matter, but from a purely practical standpoint, families of all four departed and the families of the injured are left behind to deal with not only the emotional fallout, but the financial fallout as well.

It's here where you can help give back to those who gave up the most, and it happens this Saturday.

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Tale of the Tape, "Butchered National Anthem" Category: Alexis Normand vs Frank Drebin

Music is a tough business. Thousands of artists are writing and performing tens of thousands of songs every day for little to no wage, trying to strike it big and gain some degree of relevance.

However, in the Darwinian age of the internet, YouTube, iTunes, and a thousand different television channels, sometimes you don't find relevance as much as relevance finds you.

Ask Alexis Normand.

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The Houston Aeros Are No More, R.I.P.

Categories: Hockey, Sports

John Royal
Aeros players interact with the crowd following the team's last ever regular season home game.
The Houston Aeros lost 7-0 to the Grand Rapids Griffins in Grand Rapids on Saturday night. With the loss the Aeros are done for this season, having lost the deciding game of round one of the AHL Calder Cup playoffs. And with the loss, the Houston Aeros are done in Houston. They are no more.

The next time the Aeros play hockey, their home rink will be the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines, Iowa, and the team will be known as the Iowa Wild. And come October, for the first time in 20 years, the city of Houston will not be hosting professional hockey games.

About ten days ago, just before the start of the playoffs, some Toyota Center flunkies came down to the team's locker room and after practice, they were grabbing players and asking them for their favorite memories to help commemorate the tenth anniversary of Toyota Center. One of the players, not to be named, responded with a puzzled "We're leaving, right?"

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Darcy Kuemper: A Star Is Born As The Aeros Leave Houston

Categories: Hockey

Darcy Save.JPG
Photo by John Royal
Darcy Kuemper with a save.
The last Houston Aeros hockey game ever might have been played at Toyota Center last night. And if it was, the people of Houston witnessed the Aeros go down in defeat in game two of the first round of the AHL Calder Cup playoffs. And if it was the end, the people of Houston witnessed the Aeros do so much of what they've done far too often this past season, play maddeningly inconsistent hockey.

The Aeros got to the game one victory on Friday night behind the superb play of second-year goalie Darcy Kuemper, who blocked all 36 Grand Rapids shots in the Aeros 3-0 win. But the Aeros, who played perhaps their best all-around team game of the season on Friday night, failed to show for much of yesterday's 3-2 game two loss.

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