4/20 Day: 14 Bongs Based on Movies That Should Not Have Bongs Based on Them

Categories: Movies

Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man
Hey, it's 4/20 day!

Be glad you don't live in Boulder, where the University of Colorado is trying to end the annual massive on-campus celebration of the day by barring any visitors and spraying the quad where it's held with "a foul-smelling fish-based fertilizer on the grass."


Here in Houston, you don't need a special day for The Man to hassle you about weed. But if you choose to partake, you can use some of these bongs honoring movies and shows that never intended to be celebrated by a bong.

14. Spider-Man
What do you think Peter Parker's doing up in his room, Aunt May? The Marley poster should have been a dead giveaway.

13. Star Wars
We for one refuse to believe that any Star Wars fan has ever gotten high. They need to be on their toes for all those debates about whatever the hell they're always debating about.

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Junie Hoang: Actress's Suit Against IMDb for Revealing Her Age Allowed to Proceed

Categories: Courts, Movies

The suit goes on.
A federal judge has refused to toss out the suit filed by Texas actress Junie Hoang, who anonymously sued Amazon for revealing her true age on its subsidiary movie-info Web site IMDb.

Hoang, 41, a Texas A&M graduate who studied martial arts in Houston, sued the site for taking her age from information she had provided to become a subscriber and posting it on the public portion of the board.

A federal judge ruled last week that although she cannot sue of the grounds of fraud or violating the privacy act, she could proceed on the basis of a breach-of-contract claim.

Hoang has said in court documents that IMDb revealed "to the public that Plaintiff is many years older than she looks" and that actresses find it increasingly difficult to get hired in Hollywood as they reach the age of 40.

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For President's Day: The Best Movie Portrayals of 15 Presidents

Jaunty angle on the cigarette holder? Check.
Portraying presidents on screen is always tricky. Crass imitation makes the thing look like a comedy skit, but completely ignoring the mannerisms and voice that people know doesn't work either.

There have been some laughingly inept acting jobs when it comes to the 44 people who have been the country's chief executive -- who can forget, try as they might, Jon Voigt as FDR in Pearl Harbor? (At least almost no one saw his George Washington in the awful rightwing effort An American Carol.)

Still, sometimes Hollywood gets it right.

Like with these 15 portrayals, moving backwards in presidential time:

15. George W. Bush
James Cromwell is usually dependable, but we just never bought into his George H.W. Bush in Oliver Stone's W. Josh Brolin, on the other hand, came close enough for government work with his take on the 43rd president.

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Comment of the Day: The Coked-Up Belushi Movie Ronald Reagan Watched Wasn't That Bad

Categories: Movies, Whatever

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them.

So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even.

This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involving wit, clarity and whatever else we feel like at the moment.

We listed the 10 worst (and five hippest) movies watched by Ronald Reagan and Nancy at Camp David.

A reader took issue.

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The 10 Worst Movies Ronald Reagan Watched at Camp David, and the Five Hippest

Categories: Movies

At least half this title is a lie.
During a panel discussion on C-SPAN recently, someone mentioned that the Ronald Reagan Library has a list online of every movie he and Nancy watched at Camp David or the White House.

So we checked it out. They watched a lot of movies, including Reagan's old films. There are a lot of Hollywood classics on the list, some surprisingly good obscure movies and a ton of `80s dreck.

Even the worst Reagan hater would sympathize with him for having to sit through these 10 stinkbombs:

10. Funny Farm
Starring Chevy Chase and absolutely no one else you've heard of, this slapstick disaster is considered the nadir of director George Roy Hill's career, and he's the guy who directed Little Drummer Girl, the worst adaptation of a John Le Carre novel ever put to screen.

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If Twitter Had Been Around on It's A Wonderful Life's Christmas Eve

How did people ever survive without Twitter?

Luckily, it is now a strictly theoretical question, as we are comfortably ensconced in a world where we are kept updated on what very casual acquaintances are having for lunch, or whether that one person who occasionally provides a newsy update is currently being annoyed by the person ahead of him at the supermarket cashier.

On that momentous Christmas Eve in Bedford Falls, when George Bailey learned that It's a Wonderful Life, they had no Twitter.

But if they did.....

tweetsplash page.jpg

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10 Bob Cratchits, Ranked from Worst to First

Categories: Movies, Television

God bless us, everyone.
Every fan of A Christmas Carol has their favorite Scrooges -- whether it's George C. Scott, Patrick Stewart or Mr. Magoo.

But the role of Bob Cratchit is also crucial, and a slew of big names have taken their shot at it, with mixed results.

It can be a tough role to pull off without going overboard on either the pusillanimous workplace behavior or the Hallmark saccharine of the scenes around the family hearth.

Here are ten Cratchits, ranked from worst to first.

10. David Warner A talented actor who will perhaps forever be best known for his role in Titanic, Warner's performance in the George C. Scott TV movie isn't terrible, but it's badly hampered by the set designer and director. The Cratchit hovel looks positively homely, all light and airy and clean, and you'd never think their Christmas goose was especially small until Warner mourns its supposed tiny size.More »



Pearl Harbor Day: The Nitpickiest IMDb Nitpicks for Tora! Tora! Tora! and Pearl Harbor

Categories: Movies

That sub is OBVIOUSLY an October sun.
Today is the 70the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, the Greatest Generation's 9/11.

Since then the Day of Infamy has shown up in many movies, most notably 1970's Tora! Tora! Tora! and 2001's Pearl Harbor. Any such movie subjects itself to the eagle eyes of "rivet-heads," the experts who are always ready to leap up in outrage at any tiny deviation the military equipment in a movie might have from what was used in real life. This also extends to any error of any type.

The Web site IMDb is a leading chronicler of reader-submitted "goofs"; here are five of the nit-pickiest for the two films.

Tora! Tora! Tora!
5. Critiquing the German guns in a Japanese-attack movie
The German guns seen for approximately 2.4 seconds of screen time, if we recall correctly.

When the movie moves to Nazi Germany for the Japanese signing of the Tripartite Pact, the SS guard outside the Reichschancellery is shouldering a Mauser with a late war barrel band. As materials and time became scarce in Germany, they had a cheap stamped barrel band instead of the early pressed (H-type) one

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Can You Guess Which Texas Actress Is Suing Amazon.com?

Categories: Courts, Movies

The horrors of being a 40-year-old actress in Hollywood.
In one of the stranger lawsuits we've seen, a Texas actress has filed a "Jane Doe" fraud and invasion of privacy suit against Amazon, which she claims used her credit card info to publish her age on her IMDb profile. (IMDb is a wholly owned subsidiary of Amazon.)

Using clues provided in the lawsuit, filed in a Seattle federal court, we've been trying to figure out who this actress might be. Here's what we know: "Being of Asian descent, Plaintiff has a given legal name that is extremely difficult for Americans to spell and pronounce," so she "adopted an Americanized stage name."

She was relatively unknown in 2008 -- that's when she first subscribed to IMDbPro in 2003, allowing her to post her biographical info on IMDb. Although she never posted her age, she noticed "that her legal date of birth had been added to her public acting profile...revealing to the public that Plaintiff is many years older than she looks." She alleges that the company could only have known her age by using her credit card information.

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Pop Rocks: Gene Simmons Is A Lucky Man -- Our Six Favorite Shannon Tweed VHS Covers (NSFW)

Categories: Movies, Pop Rocks

On behalf of all of us here at Art Attack, I'd like to congratulate Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed on the joyous occasion of their marriage.

The pair lived together, "happily unmarried," for 28 years before finally deciding to take the plunge. I have no idea what prompted them to tie the knot (I'm running out of wedding colloquialisms), but I'm reasonably certain it had something to do with sagging ratings for Gene Simmons' Family Jewels.

No word on the state of Simmons' actual jewels.

Simmons, of course, is the bass player and co-founder of Kiss. Tweed is a former Playboy Playmate (and 1982's "Playmate of the Year"). But she's best known to the video store aficionados among us as the star of a series of straight-to-video erotic thrillers from the 1990s. As a present for the happy couple (in spite of not being invited to the wedding -- me, who retired a full colonel in the Kiss Army), here are my six favorite VHS covers from Tweed's illustrious career.

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