Miss Texas and Mo'ne Davis Establish the Two Ends of the "Throws Like a Girl" Scale
I am not here to say that it's okay to use that phrase (lest I somehow alienate all of my female readers and listeners out there -- I love you all), but I'm not here to say that the phrase should be completely forbidden (lest I somehow come across as less of a manly man's man to all of my male readers and listeners -- I actually don't love all of you, some of you are real jackasses).
Have I said someone who's not actually a girl "throws like a girl" before? Yes, yes I have. Do I feel badly about it? Well, as the father of a quite athletic 16 year old daughter, I kind of do.
(I also kind of don't. See me catering to every demographic? God, I'm good.)
Here's the thing, though -- I don't need that phrase. There are a number of other ways to poke fun at the lack of athleticism in most of the male species, ways that don't impugn the entire female race for throwing a ball like a broken windmill. If the phrase "throws like a girl" went away altogether, I'd be fine with that.
And for the last couple weeks, Mo'ne Davis has been performing great works to eradicate the American male parlance of that term.
Who is Mo'ne Davis?
If you don't know the answer (then you probably don't watch SportsCenter, which means you probably aren't reading this anyway, but I digress), she is a 13 year old phenom who is carrying her Pennsylvania Little League team (comprised entirely of boys, aside from her) deeper and deeper into the Little League World Series in Williamsport, PA (a tournament comprised entirely of boys, aside from her and a girl named Emma March of Canada).
If you haven't seen Mo'ne Davis pitch, you're missing out, which makes it a good thing that I am here to compile embedded YouTube clips for you. For example, here are her highlights from the Mid-Atlantic regional...
...and her highlights from the LLWS....
...even her basketball highlights!
You get the point. That girl is good. (And props to YouTube for having their "Mo'ne Davis Highlights" game on point. Honestly, kind of creepy.)
As you can readily tell, it's hard to continue using the phrase "throws like a girl" when a girl as impressive as Mo'ne Davis walks the earth and dominates prepubescent boys from every corner of the globe.
(NOTE: Since Davis is from Philly, you must pronounce "HOWEVER" like Stephen A. Smith, so if you didn't, please go back and do it now....I'll wait....)
....if there were one way to give back all of the goodwill generated by Davis' picture perfect form and jaw dropping command of the Little League World Series, and drag the phrase "throws like a girl" back into our insult bullet chamber, that was accomplished by 2014 Miss Texas Monique Evans prior to Friday's Tigers-Rangers game in Arlington, where she launched this proportional response to Davis' dominance....
Somewhere, 50 Cent is breathing much easier.
My buddy Travis Rodgers and I have established a rule that any scale that rates any aspect of anything shall be denoted by the last names of the worst and best people in that particular category. (The most famous example is the scale for the quality of a person's hair, denoted by the Rose-Carroll Scale, with Pete Rose being the proverbial "zero" and Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll representing perfection.)
So going forward, we shall refer to the scale that rates a female's ability to throw a baseball as the Evans-Davis Scale.
It is so decreed.