What if Texas Split Into Separate States as California Is Proposing?
Apparently, the folks in California have done lost it. There is a ballot initiative being circulated that would divide the Golden State up into six separate states, increasing the United States to 55 states in the process. The proponent of this plan is some venture capitalist who really just wants to make Silicon Valley its own state so he can, ostensibly, make even more money than he already does. Nice plan, weirdo.
NEW TEXAS! YEE-HAW! (larger version at bottom of the post)
Besides, you can't try to pull a crazy stunt like this. Texas cornered the market, packaged and sold that kind of crazy LONG ago. We're the state whose governor actually suggested secession from America was a viable option. Our first flag was a canon with the words "Come and Take It" on it. You can't out crazy us, California, but nice try.
So, before you start trying to make us look sane and rational, we've come up with our own plan to divide Texas into five separate states, a plan that we thought up before you were even a state, California. Take that, Hollyweird.
Capital: San Angelo
Largest City: Lubbock
Tourist Destination: Fredricksburg/Kerville
Official Language: Cowboy
Demographics: Cattle Ranchers, Folk Singers, Wine Makers
Chief Exports: Cows, Beer, Guns
GDP Rank: 3
If you like wide open expanses of flat, dusty land mostly run by ranchers and cowboys and bombarded with severe weather in the spring, this is your spot, partner. There are some fancy schmancy wineries down near the southern border for you lily-livered bed and breakfast types, but this here is cattle country, boy, so buck up and strap yer boots on, and have a sip and stroll along the boulevard in Fredericksburg. Since it has the longest stretch of border with the state to the south, don't be surprised if they build a big wall and man it with Tea Party activists.
NEW New Mexico
Largest City: San Antonio
Tourist Destination: South Padre Island
Official Language: Spanglish
Demographics: Snow Birds, Beach Bums, Latin Musicians
Chief Exports: Margaritas, Shark Tooth Necklaces, Migrant Workers
GDP Rank: 5
Buenos días, muchacho and welcome to NEW New Mexico. This is one of the most interesting and diverse states to join the U.S. in quite some time. Not only does it share a massive border with Mexico, but it has San Antonio, the Tex Mex capital of the south within its borders along with the beautiful Gulf waters from Corpus Christi to South Padre Island. Sure, there is some extreme poverty and most of the place looks like the Sahara Desert only more brown and filled with rattlesnakes, but you can't beat the food or the ocean views. And their borders are open...to tourists and college kids, so enjoy amigo!