Johnny Manziel Floating on an Inflatable Swan With a Champagne Bottle

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The rough life?
I am an unabashed Johnny Manziel guy.
You know this. I mean, it's not secret.

So when Jadeveon Clowney's name was called with the first pick in the NFL Draft, I was disappointed. Not angry. I had prepared myself for that moment. I was just disappointed.

But when Manziel began to plummet like a stone down the board in the first round, giving the Texans a "relevance mulligan" and a chance to move back up into the first round and get a potential franchise quarterback (and radio/blog content MACHINE), and they didn't do it, I was, once again, legitimately angry.

Now, less than one month into the "Johnny Manziel, True Professional" Era, I am boiling...boiling with the white hot fury of a thousand fireball shots.

Why? Well, I'll tell ya....

Since the time Roger Goodell announced his selection by the Cleveland Browns to the throng in attendance at Radio City Music Hall and the millions watching on television at home, Johnny Manziel has been:

1) spotted spraying champagne on giddy club-goers on draft night,
2) spotted with Gronk poolside amid a dozen (or more...lots more) bikini-clad babes in Vegas,
3) spotted leaving a Hollywood club with a half-dozen or so fully clothed (okay, kind of fully clothed) babes last week...

Now, Saturday morning, the internet gifts us this....

Johnny Manziel floating on an inflatable swan swilling a bottle of champagne at some party in Austin.

I would tag this with some statement of marvel, like we should be totally shocked and caught off guard, but at this point, nothing shocks me with Manziel. What we need now is a Johnny Manziel app, where the app randomly fills in the blanks of this sentence Mad Libs style (using every available word in the English language):

"Hey, can you believe we saw Johnny Manziel (verb) ing on a (noun) while (verb) ing a (noun) ???

And then the app would give us the percentage chance that the completed sentence could feasibly occur? I'm fairly certain there are zero Manziel-combinations that produce a feasibility percentage below 65 percent. So yes, that means I think there's a higher percentage chance that we see Johnny Manziel grinding on a fire hydrant while reading a roll of toilet paper than there is completing his first career passing attempt.

Admit it, so do you.

When he was going through the pre-draft process -- the media sessions, the interviews, the Gruden camp -- Manziel continually promised everyone that he wanted to distance himself from "Johnny Football," his ubiquitous alter ego that gets Johnny Manziel roughly 90 percent of his attention, web hits and Instagram followers.

Well, that's one promise I'm glad he didn't keep. "Johnny Football" appears to be back, floating on an inflatable swan, exactly how we all drew it up.

Dammit, Texans. What were you thinking?

///grabs barf bag, hits PLAY on Tom Savage highlights, chugs another shot of whiskey///

(h/t The Big Lead and Deadspin)

Listen to Sean Pendergast on SportsRadio 610 from 2 p.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.



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17 comments
Pac Houstonian
Pac Houstonian

Yeah, that must be it. I think the best argument to be made about Money Manziel's abilities as a pro player can't be made until a year of so from now when he starts his career-path as a journeyman 2nd or 3rd stringer. But as a college player, all he has is that ridiculous trophy to hang his hat on. He couldn't even dominate his own bottom heavy conference, much less have barely-over-.500, career conference record.

Pac Houstonian
Pac Houstonian

So you meant to say "prolific offensive player" because "winner" means he actually was a winner as measured by actual wins. 4-4 in conference play isn't a "winner." If you can't understand wins and losses, I can't help you.

Mj Street
Mj Street

Dude was exciting to watch but i have serious doubts his style Will fly in the bigs....plus i highly doubt any NFL coach would just hand over the offense to some pipsqueak rookie.

Chris Fletcher
Chris Fletcher

I don't see "proven winner" anywhere on this thread or in the "article". I do see "winner". So maybe winner means "first ever *winner* of the hesiman as a freshman".

Jason Deere
Jason Deere

If you can't understand that a prolific offense can't overcome a porous defense I can't help you.

Pac Houstonian
Pac Houstonian

How is he a winner? His team didn't win any championships and his last season he didn't even win his conference. Not even close. tamu went 4-4 in SEC games his last year. Unless winner means he won at least a single game. Which makes being a winner not worth much. Fixed.

Mj Street
Mj Street

Well 20 other teams passed on him as well...and those folks have been doing scouting for a long time. Going to be a interesting game when we play the browns later in the season.

Jason Deere
Jason Deere

Houston absolutely missed out. You can pay attention to the TMZ media bs if that's the limit of your attention span, as if tons of pro athletes don't party. The bottom line is for all the vitriol thrown at Johnny (petty jealousy for the most part), the guy is a winner and an ultimate competitor. He will give everything he has for his team and his city. Cleveland fans will learn this soon enough. Meanwhile, the Houston Press continues it's irrelevant and ridiculous campaign of nonstop Manziel smear coverage.

Gee El
Gee El

¿Como se dice? IDIOT!

Danny Cantu
Danny Cantu

maybe its starting to sink in that he is playing for the Clevland Browns lol

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