Has Anyone Seen Former Astro Hunter Pence's Stolen Scooter?

Categories: Game Time, Sports

Photo by Robert Meeks
The old-school scooter man.
I realize that on the list of uplifting activities, "following former Astros" ranks somewhere between explosive diarrhea and Faces of Death 13.

Life hasn't been easy since we lost our Major League Baseball team in Houston a few years ago, and when you lose something you love, seeking out the "where are they now?" for former players is essentially begging for the ruination of your day. So if you weren't up to speed on the whereabouts of former Astros moderately-overrated-but-googly-eyed-lovable outfielder Hunter Pence, you're forgiven.

This is what we know about Hunter Pence:

Pence is still playing baseball, playing in the same moderately overrated and googly eyed lovable fashion that he did here in Houston (i.e., pencil him in for 20-something home runs, 80-90 RBI and a batting average of .260 to .285), only he is now doing so for a lot more cold, hard cash than he did in Houston. In fact, Pence is set to make $16 million this season and another $74 million over the next four seasons as a San Francisco Giant (unless he gets traded, which happened to him in both 2011 and 2012).

In short, Hunter Pence's accountant and his not-yet-born grandchildren are still HUGE Hunter Pence fans.

This we have also learned about Hunter Pence -- apparently, he rides a motorized scooter to work every day. Like EVERY DAY, like to the extent that MLB.com did a feature about it, and the Giants constructed Pence's bobblehead to depict him riding his motor scooter...

I would say that this ecologically friendly form of transportation is Pence's thinly veiled slap at Houston's oil industry in retaliation for the Astros' trading him back in 2011, but Pence has never struck me as someone who is that deep a thinker vindictive. At any rate, we learned last night via Twitter that some Bay Area scoundrel has made off with the Pencemobile!


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Nice when you're so rich that just giving a small token of yourself is reward enough.

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