Pet Products for the Rich and Insane
Screenshot from theclassydog.com
Hair Balls loves animals. Loooves 'em. We also love crazy animal people. But we are not above mocking them, when appropriate. And there is perhaps no greater mocking-rich demographic than folks who spend outrageous amounts of moolah on pet products. Clearly, there are more than a few pets out there who have it pretty dang good.
Mexican Hacienda Luxury Dog Mansion
If you didn't spend at least four figures on your dog's outdoor abode, you are cruel and inhumane. The Classy Dog's line of luxury mansions are custom-built, and may include framed art, running water, and air-conditioning. Highlight: "Each mini-mansion comes standard with an elegant entrance way and spacious interior with wallpaper options for dogs or cats." The costs can rack up, though -- the hacienda in the photo cost $17,000. But we're guessing it has pretty awesome wallpaper.
Canine Massage Lotion
According to Pucci & Catana Luxury Pet Boutique, "use of proper dog massage techniques can comfort & relax, help aid digestion, and improve circulation." Which begs the question: what's an improper dog massage technique? ($15)
Ten Foot Cat Fantasy Tree
This 215-lb. Lewis Carroll night terror come to life has crazy written all over it. But in an awesome way. According to A Hidden Hollow, "it has 4 shelves inside the Tree Trunk for your Kitties to lay on and look out the entrance holes, or they can use them to climb up to the Tree-top Lounging Platforms. There is also the space at the bottom of the Tree Trunk to lay and curl up and sleep in too." We're also guessing it's a good place to hide your victims' body parts. The standard luxury fur package will run you $1,809, but you can upgrade to "fabric bark" for an extra $190. You can also "upgrade to Ficus Leaves instead of the standard Ivy Leaves." After all, everyone knows ivy leaves are for assholes. And if you're going for the ficus, you may as well go all-out and drop another $35 on the Enchanted Fairy Door.