Merril Hoge Hates Everybody Including Johnny Manziel and Jadeveon Clowney
He has absolutely no instinct or feel for pocket awareness. He has an instinct to run. That's a bad instinct if you're going to have that in the National Football League," Hoge said on "SportsCenter" on Wednesday. "You have to play in the pocket with traffic around you and throw it. When traffic comes around him, he runs, and that's dangerous in the National Football League. His skill set does not transition to the National Football League, and it is a big, big risk. In fact, I see bust written all over him, especially if he's drafted in the first round.
That blockquoted summary doesn't include all of the various quarterback traits on which Hoge gave Manziel a score of "1" on a scale of 1 to 10, and doesn't include his overall grade where he said if he had a compensatory pick in the fifth or sixth round, that's where he'd take Manziel.
Yikes, right? Well, thank God we have Clowney to fall back on, right?
Hoge hates Clowney. Not as much as he hates Manziel, but still...here's what Hoge had to say about the defensive end:
When you're talking about a fundamental football player, like with his feet, hips, and hands, [Clowney] is actually atrocious. Clowney, as a football player, is not very good. Amazing athlete...not a very good football player. Pad level is very high, doesn't play with his feet, hips, and hands like Khalil Mack does.
Hoge went on to gush about Khalil Mack from Buffalo (who I happen to like also), but I think it's fair to ask, "Holy hell, Hoge, you're the only one absolutely destroying both Clowney and Manziel...do you like anything?? Anything in LIFE???"
So I texted Hoge and asked him about other known great or potentially great things in life, and here's what he had to say **:
ME: So what did you think of The Sopranos?
HOGE: I tell you what, when you're talking about a television show, and everything that comes with it -- dialogue, actors, character development -- I think The Sopranos is one of the most overrated shows of all time. Did you see how much violence there was? A lot of bloodshed. Also, the fake New Jersey accents on a couple of the supporting actors in Season 3 ruined the whole series for me. Definitely, DEFINITELY, not as good a show as Two Broke Girls. Let me be very clear...
ME: Ok, what are your thoughts on ice cream? Everybody loves ice cream!
HOGE: Whoa, slow down, not EVERYBODY. When I look at ice cream, I see a food that has a total lack of endurance. I mean, if you don't finish it in the first six or seven minutes, a lot of times you're left with a big bowl of pasty goop. And God forbid, any of it drip onto your hands, you know how sticky that can get? Ice cream to me, guys, is one of the worst foods to come along maybe in the last century. I strongly feel this way....
ME: Why did you call me "guys"?
ME: Never mind. Ok, what about sex? Even bad sex is still pretty good, right?
HOGE: Wrong, because ALL sex is bad sex. You know how much effort it takes to have sex? All the hip movement and the sweating, and then the fatigue afterwards? I mean, who has time for all that? These Clowney and Manziel draft evaluations aren't gonna flunk themselves! Sex, to me, guys, if I had a compensatory 15 minutes or so on a holiday weekend, maybe, MAYBE, I'd have sex...
ME: "Guys"? Again? Also, what's a compensatory 15 minutes...eh, never mind. Hey, what do you think of Nolan Nawrocki?
HOGE: Now, I like the cut of that guy's jib...
** Conversation fabricated for dramatic purposes