Zapruder Analysis of Justin Bieber's Deposition Video

Categories: Game Time, Sports


TOP BIEBER DOUCHE MOMENT: At the 0:42 mark, clearly rattled by a line of questioning about former flame Selena Gomez, Bieber shakes his head and disgustedly says "Don't ever ask me about her again."

Honorable mention Bieber Douche moments: Every subsequent time that Biebs wags his finger and admonishes the photog's attorney to NEVER mention Selena Gomez, roughly seven times in all. (See, this is where I'd be a terrible lawyer, because clearly we've found out what rattles Bieber, and I'd be just saying her name over and over and over in a totally mocking fashion.)

Bieber Douche Scale Rating (1 to 10): 9.77


TOP BIEBER DOUCHE MOMENT: The 0:25 mark, when the photog's attorney asks Bieber if there was something funny about his question, Bieber sarcastically quips "I dunno, Katie Couric, you tell me."

Honorable mention Bieber Douche moments: At the very end, when he compares it to a 60 Minutes interview. Clearly.

Bieber Douche Scale Rating (1 to 10): 9.95


TOP BIEBER DOUCHE MOMENT: "I was found on YouTube. I think that I was detrimental to my own career." Truer words have never mistakenly been spoken.

Honorable mention Bieber Douche moments:
0:07 -- Asked "Do you know Raymond Usher IV?" Bieber looks faux confused and says "No." (I guess technically Bieber was correct, since Usher's name is Usher Raymond IV, not Raymond Usher IV.) Attorney follows up with "Do you know Usher?" and Bieber (who was discovered by Usher) says "That sounds familiar." Ungrateful, thy name is Biebs.

Bieber Douche Scale Rating (1 to 10): 9.97

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It doesn't get mentioned much anymore, but celebs are supposed to have "learned" from Elvis Presley's antics.  (A more recent cautionary tale would be Michael Jackson.)  But the cynics will just insist that there's no such thing as bad publicity.


A solid case proving that confidence and competence are inversely related.  I was taught that division by zero is not allowed, but I'm beginning to wonder ...

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