Zapruder Analysis of Justin Bieber's Deposition Video

Categories: Game Time, Sports

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They say the true gauge of what a person is really like is what they do when no one is watching.

Public Justin Bieber is a colossal douche bag, on this there can be no debate. And with television, social media, and the internet, the fact of the matter is Justin Bieber rarely has a moment that we never see. So if we are trying to concoct some sort of benefit of the doubt for ol' Biebs, what are we left with?

What footage or circumstance can we use as an alternative to the drag racing arrests and the ridiculous television and red carpet interviews to maybe see a different, less asshole-ish kid?

Well, how about deposition video? After all, that's done fairly privately and under the specter of "you must tell the truth."

Well, if deposition video is all we can come up with as alternative, I don't think the needle moves much on the Douche-o-meter with Bieber. Even in court ordered deposition, Bieber is still an asshole.

As you may know, there is an ongoing lawsuit right now from a photographer who claims one of Bieber's security goons roughed him up. Well, as part of the case, Bieber had his deposition with the photog's lawyer back on March 6.

Well, TMZ managed to get a hold of the footage and not only posted it online, but parsed out the best seven minutes or so. They even went as far as to divide the highlights into four categories -- Arrogant, Love Sick, Condescending, and Disrespectful.

In the spirit of March Madness, dare I say it's almost like having four regionals in a bracket style tournament to find Bieber's most dysfunctional moment! (By the way, how simultaneously great and infuriating would a 64 video bracket to decide Bieber's douchiest moment be?)

So let's go through the highlights TMZ has identified and see if we can find the truly worst of Bieber in each category, while also rating each video on a Douche Scale of 1 to 10, 1 being "Bieber disappears forever" and 10 being any time he is drag racing in a neighborhood with small children.


TOP BIEBER DOUCHE MOMENT: There are several in contention, all of which I will list in a second, but the winner has to be the wink at the camera at the end, which I'm assuming has melted the heart of many a 14 year old girl over the last four years.

Honorable mention Bieber Douche moments:
0:13 -- Bieber swiveling in his chair telling the attorney: "I don't have to listen to anything you have to say."
0:25 -- Asked if he's been to Australia, Bieber: "I don't know if I've been to Australia....(asks his lawyer) Have I been to Australia?"
0:44 -- Bieber critiques an inquiry by the photog's attorney's about his bodyguard by squinting and condescendingly opining that it was a "weird question" and it "didn't make sense."
0:54 -- Bieber interrupting the photog's attorney's apology for interrupting him by mimicking him in a strongly dickface-ish fashion.
1:07 -- Bieber objecting to a question by literally saying "I object," like he's in court. Which he can't do. Which is awesome in its stupidity.
1:25 -- Photog's attorney asks Bieber to watch the "film" on the television and Bieber opposes him by taking offense to the footage being called a "film." Apparently, Bieber wants his footage called by the proper name, which I would concede as the photog's attorney as long as I was allowed to call Justin by his literal name "Dillhole" for the rest of the deposition.
1:50 -- "Guess what...guess what.... (smugly, smiling) I don't recall..."


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It doesn't get mentioned much anymore, but celebs are supposed to have "learned" from Elvis Presley's antics.  (A more recent cautionary tale would be Michael Jackson.)  But the cynics will just insist that there's no such thing as bad publicity.


A solid case proving that confidence and competence are inversely related.  I was taught that division by zero is not allowed, but I'm beginning to wonder ...

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