Former Fat Quarterback Jared Lorenzen Is Now Even Fatter (And Still Playing Quarterback!)

Categories: Game Time, Sports

That is one FAT quarterback.
I have great respect for people whose physical shape (shape meaning both "condition" as well as literally their shape -- oval, circle, pear, etc.) belies their athletic performance.

For years, I've contended there should be a television show that takes all of the athletic or aesthetically active endeavors ("Aesthetically active" is my phrase for activities like ballroom dancing or pilates.) we watch during our daily lives, and replaces the athletes with people completely out of shape. That show would have very chunky legs for at least a season or two.

The caveat is this -- the out of shape people need to be good at what they do. Nobody wants to see a heavy person practically dying when he or she is required to perform a task like walking at a brisk rate. (Louie Anderson's appearance on Splash as a high diver proved this. That was sad.)

But heavy people who destroy at their sport, that's awe inspiring, like watching a baby elephant somehow escape four lions in the wild on the Discovery Channel.

Which brings me to Jared Lorenzen...

If you recall, Lorenzen was a quarterback for the Kentucky Wildcats in the early 2000's, the heir apparent at the time to Tim Couch. The contrast between the two was stark, to say the least. Couch was selected first overall in the 1999 NFL Draft. He was a big, strapping prototype quarterback with the exact height and arm strength teams were looking for in a franchise guy. (For the record, Couch would wind up being a miserable failure as an NFL quarterback.)

Lorenzen, on the other hand, was also that exact prototype....if you were looking for an ideal nose tackle. He was a biscuit shy of 300 pounds with nimble feet and a plucky demeanor. He also endured a coaching change and the inherent disadvantage of being surrounded by other Kentucky football players to break virtually all of the school's passing records.

And he was FAT! It was awesome, a truly glorious time for sandlot players whose only physical activity was sandlot football! Lorenzen was the patron saint of weekend warriors, and I still contend that he was a more bionic athlete than any shredded, cardio beast.

As proof, here is YouTube footage of one of Jared Lorenzen's finest hours, a 406 yard, 5 touchdown performance against Casey Clausen and the Tennessee Volunteers in 2001:

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