Wasted Jacoby Jones Is Enjoying His Offseason
Someday, we will look back at the prominent athletes of the early 2010's Era (otherwise known as the Age of Manziel), and we will all realize what an underrated asset Jacoby Jones has been.
Like this only drunker.
I don't know that there's an athlete from whom we've drawn such a disproportionate amount of relatively harmless (champagne bottles to the skull aside) extracurricular entertainment as compared to his place on the overall sports landscape than Jacoby Jones.
Touchdown Dancing Jacoby Jones? We got a heaping helping of him in last year's NFL postseason.
Ballroom Dancing Jacoby Jones? A direct spawn of Touchdown Dancing Jacoby Jones, we got nearly a full season's worth of BDJJ on Dancing With The Stars.
Football Botch Jacoby Jones? He returned in full force in this season's opener when a teammate ran into him and knocked him out for several weeks with a knee injury.
But I think we can all agree that the best Jacoby Jones is Wasted Jacoby Jones.
You just never know what will happen when Wasted Jacoby Jones is around. He is the Janice Soprano of NFL-players-off-the-field. A total wild card. When Wasted Jacoby Jones is around, shit happens.
It can be good shit, like his legendary appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. It can be bad shit, like Jacoby having his head busted open by a gigantic champagne bottle at the hands of something called a Sweet Pea at Bryant McKinnie's birthday party last fall.
You just never know. So when this sideline reporter at the Kings-Pelicans game on Tuesday night managed to track down Wasted Jacoby Jones (amidst the tens of people at the game), we all braced ourselves (me, giddily so). Here's what ensued:
Ok, wow. I mean, just, wow. Wasted Jacoby Jones just knocked that interview out of the park.
I don't know that Zapruder analysis does that video justice. Sometimes, videos are better off not being broken down and nitpicked frame by frame. Sometimes, they are better off merely being observed, like a beautiful painting or a majestic sculpture.
So let's do that....