Super Bowl XLVIII: Hype Week Is a Popcorn Fart, Somebody Do Something

Categories: Game Time, Sports

We need scandal, people!
We are generally an impatient people. As soon as the AFC and NFC title games are over, most of us would like to see the Super Bowl played the following week because, quite frankly football is a drug and one week without it starts causing withdrawal symptoms.

The Pro Bowl doesn't satisfy the jones (although this year's was much harder hitting than usual, not saying much, but still), but I will say that over time I've begun to understand why there are two weeks leading up to the game.

Guys get time to heal a tiny bit, and healthy players are better players. Also, the entire Super Bowl production, from radio row to media day to all the parties, is a massive undertaking and better to have more time than to rush it.

I get it. But we need something to analyze and overanalyze during this upcoming week. It's what we do.

And this year we are bereft of such juicy nuggets.

Honestly, if history tells us anything, if one of the players gives us a nice Porterhouse of controversy to sink our teeth into, it won't happen until within 24 hours before or after the Super Bowl, which by then means it's too late (for radio purposes). You think I'm exaggerating? Well, behold the Mount Rushmore of pre game incidents, each of which touches a base on the crime diamond:

DRUGS, Super Bowl XXIII, 1989
Back in 1989, Bengals fullback Stanley Wilson failed to show up for the Saturday team meeting the night before Super Bowl XXIII. Wilson had told some teammates that he forgot his playbook, but when it was clear there was something bigger going on, some teammates went to his room and found him overdosed on cocaine, shaking and sweaty. Wilson never played in the Super Bowl, and the Bengals lost without him, 2016.

My how things can change in 24 hours. Leading up to the Super Bowl back in 1999, Falcons safety Eugene Robinson was presented with the NFL's Bart Starr Award, honoring his high moral character. Hours later, he was arrested for soliciting a prostitute in Miami. Robinson was bailed out by game day, but perhaps the Falcons would have been better off without him, as he was burned on an 80 yard touchdown by Rod Smith in the second quarter of a 34-19 loss to the Broncos.

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If the a-hole Josh Innes is at the Super Bowl with his new employer, I hope this year's drama includes a story (and video with sean's Zupruder analysis....) as follows:

--  Perv Innes breaks Jerk Wright's big nose as they argue about who has better ratings, despite the city of Houston's disdain for both of them

--  Innes tries to be his usually smarmy self, and when heckling Rich Lord, Rich proceeds to beat Innes harder than Jen Reynafans beat their meat.

Omaha! Omaha!

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