BATTLE-DRINK, SUPER BOWL: Manning, Sherman and Weed! OH MY!

Categories: Game Time, Sports

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Well, it finally happened!

After a week's worth of exhaustively discussing the Seahawks depth on defense, Peyton Manning's wobbly spirals, and Marshawn Lynch's reluctance to use his words, we finally got a nice, juicy hooker story to spice up Super Bowl week!

Granted, no NFL players were involved (other than DeAngelo Williams' assuring everyone the week would go on), but we got a nice sting operation on a prostitution ring on Wednesday!

Actually, according to the story, it was a "one stop shop" with prostitution and drugs involved! It's all about convenience these days, people.

So Super Bowl shenanigans are alive and well. The human condition apparently includes the inevitably of men paying for sex on the biggest stage in the world. Death, taxes, and hookers.

Now let's BATTLE-DRINK...

So many different angles to play with in Sunday's game. As always, we will examine each column of the BATTLE-DRINK board and their respective purposes. Keep in mind, if you a) value your liver and b) want to stay upright to see the second half of the game, you can play alternate versions of the game:

BATTLE-DRINK SIP: Replace all of the non-sip columns (in this case, GULP, CHUG, JELLO SHOT, SHOT) with SIP. That should lighten the load. Under this version of the game, your odds of vomiting drop from 100 percent to 82.3 percent. Scientifically proven.

BATTLE-DRINK LIGHT: Make every square just one sip. This will virtually assure you of making it through the entire game, and reduces your odds of vomiting to 51.8 percent. Again, reams of data support this.

Now, onto the game....

B1: Peyton Manning completion
B3: Manning family suite shot
B4: "Legacy" mention
B5: Papa John's commercial
Peyton Manning is the big story in this game. For a guy who has accomplished about everything you could in the regular season during his 16 years in the league, his post season record, which is "blend in the pack" stuff when compared to other greats, hangs over his head. In this day and age of endless (mindless) debate, it's even more ominous. So now, how do we evaluate Peyton Manning if he vanquishes the best defense we've seen in the last seven seasons, in cold weather, with his arm bringing heat reminiscent of Tim Robbins' 54 MPH marshmallows in Bull Durham? It would simultaneously smart-bomb at least two incessant criticisms of Manning ("can't play in the cold" and "can't win the big one"). Huge stakes for number 18.

Oh, also, OMAHA!!

I1: Marshawn Lynch carry
I2: 12th man mention
I3: Any weather mention or graphics
I4: Wes Welker drop
I5: Percy Harvin injured
Your garden variety, in-game occurrences, capturing a few of the biggest storylines of the week. In game, I think the two biggest x-factors are the weather and Percy Harvin. The weather, because we know about Peyton's aforementioned cold weather bugaboos. Harvin, because he is the downfield threat that the Patriots didn't have to open up the running game for LeGarrette Blount. The Seahawks don't need a big game from Harvin, but they need the threat of a big play from Harvin in order to move the football on the ground.

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I believe that Johnson would be sitting in with Lord and "me," as opposed to Lord and "I." Damn you, OCD!


If the weather is good, Manning by a nose.  Weather is bad, Seahawks win despite Wilson.

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