Alternative Appearances and Destinations for the Astros Caravan

Categories: Sports


With all the players the Astros have cultivated in baseball academies across Latin America, a trip to South Texas is obviously in order. They'll need to beef up security to ensure no one is kidnapped by members of the drug cartel, but it's a small price to pay for one-on-one time with true fans.

Suggested Activity: Players participate in cavity searches with suspected drug runners at border check points.


Deep in the piney woods of east Texas, they love all things American, and what's more American than baseball? Of course, you might need to restrict access on this trip to some of the more, let's say, fairer skinned players and Bo Porter might want to sit this one out as well. But, hey, a fan's a fan even if they wear a white hood!

Suggested Activity: Let preacher perform laying of the hands ceremony on select Astros players. It couldn't make batting averages worse.


Sure, it's a hella long way to travel, but no locale is too far for the Astros caravan. In this bohemian community, there's a good chance they can solicit some financial support. My guess is most of the residents will make more per year than many of the Astro players. Bonus: Fake Marfa Prada store!

Suggested Activity: Knit your own uniform day with hippies that live in the desert. Hey, that dude with the beat up camping trailer has a satellite dish and might have the MLB package.

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My top 5 for the Astros (permanent) Caravan destination would be:

1.  Mexico City -  it's time to give our friends to the South their own team

2. New Jersey - they already have the NFL teams we should give them their own MLB team

3. Vancouver - The Blue Jays are very lonely being the only one

4. Salt Lake City - In such a beautiful area the players would be at peace, peaceful losers that is

5. Nashville - Trade the Astros for the Titans -  Reliant is only used 8 out of 17 weeks per season plus between the 2 teams 10 win season would not be a far reach that's 10-22 not 10-6 

Bonus location - If you can find Drayton's imaginary Virginia buyers maybe they are still interested the Astros

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