Zapruder Analysis of Three Arkansas Fans' Creepy Courting of Jon Gruden

sean-hey-grude.jpg
Hey Grude? WHAT?
Pre-technology, paying tribute used to be so much more difficult to pull off.

However, now with an iPhone, a YouTube account and a cursory knowledge of some editing software, any ol' country bumpkin can tell his college football coach in song that he thinks he's the next big thing.

The mercurial quarterback can be reminded just how galvanizing a force he is for a school's fan base by female fans, young and old.

But there's an immediacy to the Internet and expression through music whereby a fan base can immediately turn on you when you're looking up at bowl eligibility. Three wins ain't gonna cut it in our state, sonny boy!

And to that end, what's up, ARKANSAS?!


Indeed, it wasn't all that long ago that Arkansas head coach Bret Bielema swooped into Fayetteville to rescue the Hog faithful from the John L. Smith Era, with a satchel full of dreams and a power running game that would magically steamroll the SEC West. He was brash, his wife was hot, and dammit, Arkansas fans, you were all BIELEMERS!

Especially this guy...


But with one tweet, everything changed...

(If this were a 30 for 30, this is where we would cut to a commercial and you'd be like "Oh hell, now I got to find out what got tweeted!" It's called a tease, kids.)

The tweet itself is now deleted, but it came after Bielema's former employer Wisconsin lost in heartbreaking fashion on some butchered officiating to Arizona State early in the season...


For whatever reason, Jen Bielema thought that Wisconsin getting screwed was some small fraction of a restoration of balance in the football universe and decided to tweet "#karma." Because, y'know, Wisconsin is a place that paid her husband millions of dollars to coach football before he voluntarily left.

Whatever, I guess.

At any rate, since Jen Bielema's sexy fingers hit "SEND" on that tweet, Arkansas (3-0 at the time, by the way) has not won a football game. They finished the season 3-9, and actually closed out the year losing in heartbreaking fashion in Baton Rouge when LSU's backup quarterback threw a 49 yard bomb with a minute to go in the game to stave off the upset, 31-27.

#karma?

So now, Arkansas fans, at least most of them, are no longer Bielemers. Far from it. So a few of them with internet access, a camera, and a little techno-savvy decided to begin the recruiting process for Bielema's replacement. And if you're gonna aim, why not aim high, right?

Jon Gruden's name comes up for every coaching search, college and pro. Right now, the Super Bowl winning former head coach of the Tampa Bay Bucs gets paid millions to do one game a week on ESPN and sit in a trailer with some college kids for a couple weeks in March breaking down film. Good gig. Better than the Arkansas job.

Still, that didn't stop these guys from whipping out their dongs and pissing all over the greatest Beatles song of all time putting together this tribute/recruiting video...


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2 comments
SunshineRick
SunshineRick

Any idiot with a dial-up connection can claim to be a sportswriter; as the previous commenter accurately stated, this video was pre-Bielema.  What a tool you are.  Hilarious. 

shaffer01
shaffer01

Hey DA**, this video was made BEFORE Bielema was hired at UA! Get your facts straight!!

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