Zapruder Analysis of New York Jets Fan Spewing a Fountain of F-bombs

Categories: Game Time, Sports

I'm not sure that Houston NFL fans who are parents of young children who want to bring their kids to a game know how good they have it here. Other than the Bullpen section of Reliant Stadium (which comes with an actual rowdiness warning on the ticket and in actuality is may as well be a section at Lakewood Church compared to, say, Oakland), the Reliant game day crowd is pretty amiable, all things considered.

We make fun of the J.J. Watt video before the game where he uses his "admonishing parent voice" and tells the fans all of the things they can't do at a game. You know the one I'm talking about, where Watt verbally outlines all of the Texans fan conduct policies:

No physical or verbal harassment of opposing fans....

No excessive alcohol use.... (This is where I BOO loudly.)

No foul or obscene language...

And yes, the video seems a little corny, especially if you've been to other NFL stadiums, like San Diego where portions of the parking lot are one big percolating gang fight or the aforementioned Oakland where weed smoking is seemingly encouraged in the 100 sections.

And then there's New York, where I think they actually offer "Cursing" as a second language elective for kids in junior high. French, Spanish, Latin, Cursing. (That's not true, but it would be awesome.)

To wit, this New York Jets fan on Sunday as the Jets were in the process of losing to the Dolphins 23-3, their third loss in a row (WARNING: NSFW language! Turn down the speakers if you're in a cubicle, NOW!):

Make no mistake, there is one star of this video and one star only, it's MINI MANGOLD, this Jets fan rocking the #74 Nick Mangold jersey who is none too happy with the performance of Jets rookie quarterback Geno Smith. The guy actually looks like he could be the younger, far more unhinged brother of WWE superstar Ryback.

By the way, it's a virtual lock that this dude is wearing the center's jersey because he sees himself as a blue collar, tough guy reflection of the lunch pail image embodied by offensive lineman like a Nick Mangold (and Mangold's sister, for that matter).

(NOTE: I suppose if you want to give a second credit in this video, you can give it Geno Smith, who never actually is seen on camera, but is copiously referenced by the star of the show, kind of like The Gooch on Diff'rent Strokes or Jenny Piccolo on Happy Days until the tragic Joanie-and-Chachi-centric final couple seasons when they made Piccolo an on screen character. Ted McGinley, yo!)

Ok, let's Zapruder this thing and, at the very least, come up with some cursing saber metrics and figure out what this guy's "Asshole Efficiency Rating" might be. The 94 seconds of Mini Mangold starts NOW:

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help

Decades ago, my wife & I were at an Astros game in the Dome.  A few rows in front of us were an attractive professionally dressed woman maybe 30 years old, and an older woman I took to be her mother.  The younger woman was keeping score in a leather bound scorebook, no nonsense there.  A high, lazy fly went directly toward Cesar Cedeno, who ran a couple of circles, then let the ball drop.  The young woman went ballistic, slamming her score book down, jumping into the aisle and performing one of the best rants I've ever heard.  The only words I recall were "Go back to the hospital, Cedeno!"  The interesting thing was she used no obscenity.  A great fan.  (And in fairness, Cedeno won five Gold Gloves.  Maybe he's better when he moves, like the Sundance Kid).  We always felt pretty comfortable in the Dome.

Now Trending

Houston Concert Tickets

From the Vault