12 Things In Houston '93 You'd NEVER See Today

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Houston has the Oilers...the greatest football team...
If I learned anything from the NFL Network's A Football Life: Houston '93 documentary about the 1993 Houston Oilers, it's that sometimes you need to look to the past to realize that our perspective of the present may be a tad warped.

All season long here in Houston, the narrative (which has gradually become more of a lament) has been that producers could use the Texans' 2013 season to script a full season of the old ESPN faux NFL made-for-TV drama Playmakers. From the Schaub Pick Six barrage to the rookies getting cut for smoking whatever it was they were smoking in Kansas City to Ed Reed to Gary Kubiak's stroke to DeAndre Hopkins' Instagram account to....you get my point.

We were dealing with a lot of shit! Or so it seemed.

And then I saw Houston '93. And I realized just how important perspective is.

For as much as we try and paint the Texans with a brush of dysfunction, whatever has transpired here in Houston this season doesn't hold a candle to Bud Adams' franchise in the year 1993. The key difference is that the Texans' dysfunction is largely stuff that would be discussed by ESPN talking heads on an NFL program, whereas the Oilers' dysfunction would probably consume a week's worth of Dr. Phil.

Daily fights in practice, coaches openly hating each other, a certifiably insane owner, and an arc to a season that at varying times was literally about life (David Williams' missing a game for the birth of his son) and death (Jeff Alm's tragic suicide).

Oh, and winning. That's the other difference. Those Oilers did do that, peeling out of their 1-4 nosedive to win 11 straight. The Texans? Well, they're working on a different type of "11 straight."

The first time I watched Houston '93 last night, I watched it merely as a football fan who was a young adult in that era (and who was nine months away from moving to Houston). The second time I watched it this morning over breakfast, I did so from the perspective of a Houston football fan in 2013, and thought to myself "What are the things in this documentary that, if they occurred today with the Houston Texans, would set the city on its ear?" Or, beyond that, "What things would have ZERO chance of happening in 2013 with the Houston Texans (or anywhere in the NFL, for that matter)?"

Here's what I came up with, in a quasi-Zapruder format (times are approximately where in the documentary the subject arises, commercials included):


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11 comments
kgjoseph1
kgjoseph1

Rust on the Mazda pretty much wins it all hands down, but u didn't mention the fact he couldn't find it and got hysterical like a woman being followed by an unknown person in a parking lot, pretty sure he couldn't do the hit the panic button on your alarm key-less entry button so the horn can blow trick on that piece of crap truck, but, I'm TOTALLY at a loss for how u didn't find at least 5 words to compare 1993 John McClain at approx. 230lbs to 2013 Jabba the McClain at least 60lbs of next and face fat! OUTSTANDING as always and I hope we never see that guy and that hole infested shirt again!!! 

gossamersixteen
gossamersixteen topcommenter

Slow down to let Schaub catch up, that's a classic!

Jesse Cruz
Jesse Cruz

Thanks Jim, Texans really, c'mon Man!

Puller58
Puller58

The Oilers had an imbalance that year.  The defense got better in a hurry, and the offense was going downhill.  (Not because of Moon.)  The run and shoot depended on having four good receivers, and Heywood Jeffries never got used to deep routes, (Always looked like he wasn't able to judge the path of the ball.) and the rest were losing steps and suffering from the fact that teams had come up with schemes to beat their dreams.  But giving love to Rex Ryan?  Sorry, but he's a nut like his father and shares the Woody Hayes view of passing.  ("Three things can happen when you throw a pass, and two of them are bad.") 

stevek77536
stevek77536

" (Warren Moon)... a Pro Bowl quarterback whose skills and resume dwarf anything Matt Schaub has done in his career."  I'm a fan of Schaub, but this is correct.  Undrafted by the NFL, then went to NINE Pro Bowls and is in the Hall of Fame.  At a dinner with a big client of my company, I told him Moon was better than his QB in the upcoming game (Montana, Elway, one of those guys).  His look said "You've had too many drinks".  My return look said, "Yeah, but I'm right."  And I was.

ShitThrowingMonkey
ShitThrowingMonkey

I was at that Jets game.  Good Times.  Who wins a jedi light saber battle between bearded Berman and current Berman???

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