Houston's Five Funniest Crimes of 2013

Categories: Crime

Sometimes people are funny, and sometimes they're funny and criminal.
People do a lot of stupid things, but as the year draws to a close, we decided to stop and remember that some of the exceptionally stupid criminal things people have done in the year of 2013 were also funny. As the saying goes, some things change, but you can count on people to try and get away with some particularly brainless things. (That may be a saying we just made up, but the point is it's charming how people think pulling some pretty dumb stuff won't end with them in the back of cop car. Charming.)

Irritating cell phone people now come with guns.
5. The annoying cell phone guy takes it up a notch and robs a bank.

Everyone hates annoying cell phone guy unless you actually are being annoying cell phone guy. "Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah. I know he can get the job, but can he do the job? I know he can do the job but can he get the job?" We all loathe this person blathering into their phone, forcing us to be an unwilling witness to a conversation we will never understand. That crap gets even more rude when annoying cell phone guy pulls a gun like this guy did back in September. Once you get past the absolute horror of cell phone people having a way to get even worse than they already are, it gets pretty funny. Cell phone people CAN be worse! Who knew?

4. The ex-cop who left his cop pager at the burglary.

Ernesto Yañez, an ex-cop stole some tools in Rio Hondo and was arrested for it in Houston. That all seems pretty straight forward, but the reason the guy was caught? He left his police issue pager at the scene of the crime. Yes, the pager given to him by law enforcement. Then, realizing what he had done, and hopefully smacking himself on the forehead good and hard for it, he called the people he stole from and left a message saying he'd seen "someone suspicious" trying to break into the house. He was patrolling you see, because that's what former cops do, and he tried to stop the burglar. You'd think it would have been an easy thing to do since he was allegedly trying to stop himself. As if that weren't enough to convince the world he was the worst criminal ever, the tools he was trying to steal, well they belong to Gene Diaz, a retired U.S. Marshal who was doing work for the family where the break in occurred. Worst criminal ever. But also funny. He gets points for the funny.

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Dianna Wray you suck I hope you get fired you dumb bitch.


How much do you want to bet the cops themselves reported the "fire" in example number two so they could have probable cause to enter the house?


Possession of illegal drugs is a victimless crime. How is that funny?


Three school employees failing to report sexual abuse is the funniest Houston crime of 2013?

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