BATTLE-DRINK, Week 16: Bearded Schaub's Revenge!

Categories: Game Time, Sports

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We are officially at the point where we can start counting down to the end of the 2013 NFL season...the seemingly interminable blight on Houston football history that's been the 2013 NFL season. The end is near, thank God!

Go back to Week 1's BATTLE-DRINK game, and it reflects a much simpler time and place -- touchdown celebrations, funny announcer quirks, healthy doses of J.J. Watt, and John McClain's Twitter feed.

Now, here we are in Week 16, and what do we have? Coaching candidates, penalty props, a bearded Matt Schaub, and John McClain's Twitter feed. (As you can see, McClain's Twitter feed is the one constant. You can always, ALWAYS count on it. It's the Andre Johnson of BATTLE-DRINK.)

Let's take a closer look at this weekend's board as Peyton Manning and the 11-3 Broncos come to town:

B1: Dennis Johnson carry
B2: Deji Karim carry
B3: Jonathan Grimes carry

With Ben Tate officially going on injured reserve for the rest of the 2013 season with his rack of broken ribs (and props to Ben Tate for showing a toughness that hasn't normally been attributed to Ben Tate, by the way), this is your backfield Texan fans. Take a good look. This next sentence is meant to be read in Stu Nahan "post Drago killing Apollo" voice -- "What started out as Foster, Tate, and Cierre Wood has turned in a DISASTER!!!"

B4: Peyton Manning TD pass
Reasons to come out to Reliant on Sunday #1: Peyton Manning might break the single season touchdown pass record. Right now, he sits at 47, and needs three to tie and four to break Tom Brady's 2007 mark. That's something, right?

B5: Wade Phillips puts player in "time out"
Against the Jacksonville Jaguars back on December 5, in what turned out to be the final game of the Gary Kubiak Era, the Texans committed a horrifying 14 penalties. It was one crippling gaffe after another, most of them committed (it felt like, at least) by D.J. Swearinger. So when Wade Phillips took over as interim head coach, what was his solution to the penalty problem?

"I was hoping that we would do better. Unfortunately, some of the penalties we had in practice carried over to the game. We had the players -- if they had a penalty in practice -- we took them out of the practice and set them on the side. Kind of a timeout. Something to embarrass them a little bit. We're going to continue to do that. We've got to cut down on penalties."

Somewhere, every kindergarten teacher in Houston is nodding their head in approval. Oh, and by the way, how did that strategy work for you, Wade? Because last I checked....

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Actually, Schaub reminds me a great deal of Gifford Nielsen in build, mobility, but most importantly he plays this year like Nielsen did after his throwing shoulder was injured and had surgery.  Schaub may have some ailment or malady, but this will be a silly game since he'll continue to make weak, inaccurate throws.  The only benefit is that he counts for one more loss that will get the Texans to the number one pick in the draft.

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