Texans Fans Rejoice! CBS's Dan Dierdorf to Retire at Season's End

Categories: Game Time, Sports

CBS Sports
Ding dong, the witch is dead.
Rare is the Texans home game that I am not in attendance in person at Reliant Stadium.

In seven seasons of covering the team, I can count on one hand how many games I've missed and had to watch on television instead, and I believe the most recent one was the Texans' 43-13 win over what eventually became the 2012 Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens.

It just so happens that game is known by Texans fans for two things:

1. It was the last time the Texans accomplished anything close to a "signature" win. Yes, later in the 2012 season, they defeated a 7-1 Bears team in Chicago and an eventual playoff team at home in the Colts, but that Week 7 game in 2012 against Flacco and Co. was a swift, thorough ass kicking. That Baltimore eventually won the Super Bowl tends to strengthen the narrative around that win, which may be a form of revisionist history, but hey, up to that point, the Texans had never beaten the Ravens ever. So it was something.

2. That Baltimore game was probably the one where CBS commentator Dan Dierdorf got moved from the "announcer we dislike because he makes mistakes and because hating announcers is an American pastime" list to the "Texans Public Enemy" list, mostly because amid a 30-point Texans blowout, Dierdorf could not stop slurping Baltimore outside linebacker Terrell Suggs, who was returning from an Achilles tear that afternoon. While the Texans piled on touchdown after touchdown in building a 29-3 halftime lead, Dierdorf was painting Suggs's admittedly gutsy performance like it was "Kellen Winslow being carried off the field in Miami" reincarnate.

From that day on, every Texans game that involved Dierdorf in the broadcast booth became a firestorm of anger, and Twitter for those three hours degenerated into a sea of mustache, lisp and "sex with Terrell Suggs" jokes (a degeneration that, to be clear, was not necessarily a bad thing).

Well, as of Wednesday morning, Texans fans have one less mustache to kick around on Twitter. It was announced by CBS that after 30 years, Dan Dierdorf will be retiring from broadcasting at season's end.

When they're not busy killing Dierdorf for liberal replay interpretations or mistaking him for Alex Karras, fans should be remembering that Dan Dierdorf was a great football player for many years for the old St. Louis Cardinals franchise, a Hall of Famer and six-time All Pro.

But alas, it's more fun to rejoice in his retirement from broadcasting. I get it. So I'll feed the beast. Here is a sampling of Twitter's reaction to Dan Dierdorf's announcement yesterday:

Actually, in the spirit of respect and fair time, there were people on Twitter who were respectful and expressed legitimate sorrow that their Sundays would now be Dorf-less moving forward.

Here are both of those people:

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John Sczykutowicz
John Sczykutowicz

Nothing wrong with Dan from what i could see. He's from the old school which I liked.


Now if Fox would only get rid of Joe Buck...

Jeffrey Aiello
Jeffrey Aiello

Really??? I didn't think anyone was still listening to the Texans.... let alone watching them! Other than morbid curiosity.


This made my day! Uh-buh-bye, Deer Dick!


Well, he did get the boot years ago from MNF, but then, so did a host of others.  Funniest thing I can remember about him was the late former Oiler lineman Bob Young saying that whenever Dierdorf was in town, he'd take him to Rick's Cabaret.  Dirty old man.

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