BATTLE-DRINK, Week 13: The All-John McClain Edition

Categories: Game Time, Sports

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Watching sporting events in the year 2013 is a different experience now than it was just five years ago. Yeah, if we're watching on television, we still have our play-by-play guy, our color analyst and perhaps even a sideline reporter. Those people haven't gone anywhere.

But now, even just in the last five years, we get a lot more information available given to us in game, what with on-screen game status graphics, colored lines on the field for first downs and field goal range, and a perpetual flow of information on a ticker at the bottom of the screen.

And then there's Twitter.

Used properly during a sporting event, Twitter has become a frenetic adjunct to all of the other sensory items during a game. With a constant flow of opinions, stats, one-liners and emotional outbursts, Twitter is a social media amalgam that becomes a sort of third man in the booth for us.

When watching Texans games, there are a few "must-follows" on Twitter, but there is nobody who compares to legendary Houston Chronicle NFL writer John McClain.

For most of the regular work week, McClain's Twitter feed is a fairly standard Chronicle columnist's timeline -- lots of quotes from press conferences, retweets of links to articles (his and some colleagues'), statistics and a few opinions. A normal, good, solid Twitter follow experience.

But as soon as toe meets leather in any Texans game, it's like McClain jumps into a phone booth and becomes a Twitter superhero whose special power is to spew over-the-top honesty and criticism on virtually every Texans play.

Pathetic. Horrendous. Wretched. These are all staple words in McClain's tweets during Texans games that are so ingrained into his persona that he could probably sell branded merchandise with the word "PATHETIC" written across the front. (In fact, this needs to happen.)

In short, "regular" John McClain is a kind man and a good friend. "Texans game Twitter John McClain," though, is flat-out awesome.

Dozens of people (including McClain) have had BATTLE DRINK squares dedicated to them before, but never has an individual commanded an entire board. Until now.

I could think of no better game to harness McClain's unique brand of rapid-fire criticism into a collective drinking BINGO board than the New England Patriots' coming into Reliant this Sunday. So without further ado, here is your special All-John McClain Twitter BATTLE DRINK board. All squares are listed below with embedded examples of McClain's executing each of them in the last couple of weeks.

Here you go:

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and dont make a houston stripper battledrink either mr. opposite


Wish he'd write with as much passion for the newspaper edition.


McClain is comic on his radio appearances where he acts like a dirty old man.  (But that was a few years ago when I listened to the station he appeared on, so he may not be on it anymore.)  As for his tweets, not much else he can do with the Texans being the way they are.

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