Zapruder Analysis Of Homicidal Jets Fan Punching Female Patriots Fan (w/ VIDEO)

Categories: Game Time, Sports

Dang, Jets fan!
In the last couple years, I've been to approximately a quarter of the stadiums in the NFL, generally as a fan of the opposing team (I believe all but one game involved the Texans.). Two of those stadiums were generally considered to be among the most "dangerous" in the league (San Francisco and Oakland, which I happened to go to in the same night. I'm dangerous.)

I bring these facts up because I feel I'm among the more qualified to say that you can go to any NFL stadium and avoid trouble if you mind your own business. Even Oakland.

So when there is a dust up, like a legit fight with fists and kicks and blood, there is usually blame on both sides, and this was certainly the case with the most recent entry in the Fan Fighting League, which saw a male New York Jet fan punch a female New England Patriot fan in the face this past Sunday.


In case you missed it, here is the footage with Zapruder analysis to follow:

All right, laying out who the participants are shouldn't take very long because, for the most part, it's just two people and then an army of Jets jersey clad extras. Here are your principals (and for once, since the police have already dropped the hammer on the fighters, we have real names! This is exciting!):

KURT PASCHKE: Male Jets fan wearing a Wayne Chrebet jersey. For those who don't remember Wayne Chrebet, he was one of those diminutive "little engine that could" white slot guys before they were cool to have on your team. Also, he's a New Yorker, so they love him there. (Think "Wes Welker meets Jersey Shore.") As for Paschke, well, if you're wondering how he finds himself in this mess just know that he's spent time in prison for killing somebody via "criminally negligent homicide" about twenty years ago. He spent four years in prison, and is clearly rehabilitated.

JACLYN NUGENT: Patriot shirt wearing punching bag for Paschke. No relation to Ted Nugent (pretty sure).

0:02 -- Among the jerseys represented in the crowd gathered around the fight are Mark Sanchez (presumably because they're available at 80 percent off in the Jets' team store) and Antonio Cromartie (but that may actually be one of Cromartie's kids...yeah, I know, it appears to be a young, white adult wearing it, but I'm not ruling anything out when it comes to Cro's impregnation ability).

0:03 -- There appears to be a scuffle going on with one person on the ground and one person getting dragged away by about four other people. The person being dragged away (like Clubber Lang back to his corner in Rocky III) is Paschke, who is sporting a Wayne Chrebet jersey and camouflage cargo shorts. The only thing that could make this video more 90's at this moment would be "Two Princes" by the Spin Doctors playing in the background and Paschke stabbing someone in a criminally negligent fashion.

0:07 -- Here comes Nugent going after a slightly restrained Paschke, and she is a house of fire!!

0:10 -- Unfortunately, Nugent isn't restrained enough because....


0:15 -- A handful of men in the concourse come to Nugent's defense and start to step toward Paschke, but none of them really fight him. Highly likely that these were just guys trying to get into Nugent's pants, pulling off the "Feigned Concern" maneuver, where you act like you're fighting for a woman's honor just enough to get in her good graces, but do so without actually getting hit. A high risk, high reward move.

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Gonna have to start awarding points for Cromartie-offspring references, so long as you do them carefully (unlike his sexing!)

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