BATTLE-DRINK, Week 5: I Left My Liver In San Francisco

Categories: Game Time, Sports

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Sunday night, the Texans take on the San Francisco 49ers, and I think of all the possible BATTLE-DRINK challenges, Sunday night games pose the most daunting one.

Think about it, Thursday night games are all right because there's only one per year, and who's really focused on Friday at work anyway. Hell, with the government shut down, we can probably declare Thursday as the new Friday anyway.

Sunday afternoon games, even the late 3:25 p.m. kickoffs, are fine because if you get really sideways, you can crash early and still have time to sleep it off before Monday arrives. Monday night games are so over-the-top risky that if you're BATTLE-DRINKing on a Monday night, you probably have a drinking problem anyway and are used to being uber shitfaced.

But Sunday nights. Ah, those Sunday nights. They have just enough of an attachment to the "day off" feeling to lull you into thinking it's ok to BATTLE-DRINK, and then thing you know, it's 6:00 a.m. and you're waking up in your dog's floor bed in just boxers with vomit caked into your chest hair.

And it's Monday morning.

Sunday night BATTLE-DRINK, man. It's not for the weak.

And with the NIners looming, we need only the strong on this venture. The courage that we want to envelope the chest cavities of our faithful gridiron warriors starts with us, back here in Houston. Drinking. Lots.

Like last week both in BATTLE-DRINK and in actual football, the caliber of your Monday morning (Will it be slightly miserable or really miserable?), will be determined in large part by quarterback Matt Schaub.

Put it this way -- if he throws another pick 6 this week, your liver is toast.

Here are the new squares for this week:

B4: Promo for "Law & Order: SVU"
The game is on NBC, so we will get promos for NBC shows, which means (hopefully) a heaping helping of Mariska Hargitay, who has swiped the mantle in these last few years as the "MILFy television personality who I probably have ranked a couple points higher on a scale of 1 to 10 than the rest of my friends." The titleholders the last few years look like this:

2003 Patricia Heaton
2004 Katie Couric
2005 Katie Couric
2006 Julia Louis-Dreyfus
2007 Julia Louis-Dreyfus
2008 Tina Fey
2009 Hannah Storm
2010 Mariska Hargitay
2011 Mariska Hargitay
2012 Mariska Hargitay

The floor is open, and I have a feeling I could do four hours on this, AND John Granato might actually enjoy it!

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