Craigslist: The Place to Get That Positive Pregnancy Test to 'Prove' You're Knocked Up
There is a lot of strange stuff out there for sale in the wide world of the Internet, and the list of weird currently includes positive pregnancy tests from Craigslist right here in Houston.
Buy a positive pregnancy test on Craigslist, start scaring the hell out of people, with or without the tannis root.
Yes, for a reasonable $20 to $25, you too can own your very own slightly used pee stick, presumably urinated on by an actual pregnant woman, allowing you to "prove" that you are indeed pregnant. Craigslist has a handful of sellers from Clear Lake and Pearland, so the stick might even be relatively fresh by the time it shows up in your mailbox.
So now, right here in Houston, you've got the real pregnancy test option whether you're after that stick to use it as part of a very sick joke, to use it as proof of pregnancy to qualify for aid from the Women, Infants, and Children program, or to try and get the guy to finally commit. (Because, obviously, if he hasn't popped the question before now, it's time to pull the old I'm-preggers-so-now-you've-gotta-marry-me routine. Can't see that one backfiring at all.)
Also, whether you're in the joke arena or going at this to get somebody to put a ring on it, here are a few suggestions:
1. If you do not actually want to be pregnant, and this is all a joke, don't carry things so far that you go completely commando with birth control. That's where "funny" jokes become reality, and it will only get awkward from there.
2. If you're really going to *use* the pregnancy stick, go whole hog: Get that pixie haircut that Mia Farrow sported in Rosemary's Baby and start talking about how you just can't stop craving tannis root. Bonus points if you've got a friend who looks like Ruth Gordon and she's willing to hang around the house and freak everyone out.
3. Take a picture of the test and then post on Facebook, noting that it's just possible you too might have been, you know, visited by the Holy Spirit.
4. Find a random stranger at a bar, present him with the pee stick and tell him how y'all's "magical night together has produced life" while sipping your beer.
5. Buy that positive test, use it for whatever and then post it on Craigslist as a "slightly used positive pregnancy test." If anyone actually buys it, use the money to try and get enough rotgut tequila to wash away the fact that you actually RESOLD a used pregnancy test.
6. Walk around like Claire from Lost, waving the test and asking where the "baybee" is in an Australian accent.
7. Hang onto that sucker and throw it in as a Secret Santa gift at the office Christmas party.
8. Walk around with the pee stick and some "congratulations" balloons for Halloween.
9. Slam that sucker on the table on Thanksgiving the second the conversation turns to politics.
10. Send the test to a museum with a note telling them they'll want to save this because someday it will be an artifact that acted as a harbinger that civilization was doomed. Be sure and mention you bought it on Craigslist.