Summer of Johnny: Revenge of the Chancellor
I'm not gonna lie. I miss Johnny Football.
No, not Johnny Manziel the risk-taking, freewheeling beast of a quarterback who tortured SEC defenses last season to the tune of over 5,000 yards of total offense. We've heard rumblings of his existence at Texas A&M's practices, and I know someday (like next Saturday) we will see him again.
I'm talking about Johnny Football. Johnny Fucking Football. The overly feisty, drunk-tweeting, wheelin'-dealin', kiss-stealin' son of a gun!
I miss that guy.
It's been 21 days since Johnny Manziel last spoke on Twitter, when he fired off this beauty that appears to be some combination of bad rap lyrics, an open challenge to fight and a cry for help:
I ain't perfect, I ain't insane but I AM worth it...if there's one thing I am worth it. People keep hatin but it ain't WORKIN!— Johnny Manziel (@JManziel2) August 1, 2013
Since then, he's given us nothing, due wholly I'm sure to the ongoing cloud hanging over Manziel and the university until the situation with Johnny's rogue autograph sessions has been resolved. That's right -- in addition to chiseling this small pothole of adversity into the Aggies' 2013 season, the memorabilia hounds have directly caused the deprivation of bikini pics and Twitter fights on Johnny's social-media accounts.
In short, we hate you, autograph hounds.
And you know who else hates you? Texas A&M Chancellor John Sharp, that's who! Specifically, he's looking right at you, Drew Tieman. In his e-mail to members of the A&M community, he says that he thinks you're a dope-smoking, probation-addled scumbag who clams up at the first sight of real authority, Drew Tieman (I'm paraphrasing.):
In fact, his "named source," Drew Tieman (initially referred to as the broker), was reportedly booked twice for possession of marijuana and placed on four years probation. He has taken down his Facebook page, changed his telephone number and is refusing attempts to be interviewed by the NCAA.
Basically, John Sharp thinks you're a little bitch, Drew Tieman! (Again, paraphrasing.)