Scottie Pippen Alleged Assault Victim Apparently the Worst Flopper Ever

Categories: Sports

If only this guy had listened to Dean Wormer.
There has been an increasing call by fans and people inside the NBA to do away with flopping. Suggestions have ranged from monetary penalties -- which the league initiated before last season -- to technical fouls and even suspensions. Flopping is lame and has a way of killing the momentum of a game the league has done everything in its power to speed up. So, I'm all for getting flopping the hell out of the game. But what about on the street.

In June, it was reported that former Rocket and Chicago Bull Scottie Quitten Pippen was involved in an altercation outside a restaurant in Malibu, California. Reports came in that Pippen was enraged by an autograph seeker and punched and kicked the man into submission.

Well, it turns out the alleged victim, Camran Shafighi, 49, might rival Dirk Nowitzki when it comes to falling down on the job.

After an investigation, the district attorney's office in Los Angeles has dropped charges against Pippen who was accused of punching and kicking Shafighi when he sought an autograph. Turns out, that's not exactly what happened. Shafighi may have spit on Pippen and hurled racial slurs at him before the former Robin to Michael Jordan's Batman went POW and ZAM.

But, that's not the best part.

Shafighi, who has filed a $4 million lawsuit against Pippen, was taken to a hospital with a possible concussion. All tests showed there wasn't any internal trauma, but Shafighi returned to the hospital later and told doctors he had been diagnosed with fractured ribs and ankle, the report said. The only visible physical injuries were a small bruise on Shafighi's chin and a cut to his lip.

Shafighi, whose blood sample turned up positive for opiates and a 0.18 percent blood-alcohol level -- twice the legal limit for driving -- also feigned having seizures, according to the report. The seizures ended when the doctor ordered him to stop them.

So, let's take this one step by step, shall we?

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Lawyer to Doctor On the Witness Stand: "So the patient could still have been alive?"

Doctor: "No."

Lawyer: "Why not?'

Doctor: "His brain was in a jar on my shelf."

Lawyer: "But the patient could have been involved in other activities?"

Doctor: "I suppose he could have been trying to shake down Scottie Pippen."


Of course, if he was really afraid of Pippen, he should have urinated or vomited on himself, right?

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