Dear Mystery METRO Police Complainer: What The Hell Are You Trying To Say?
That's what Hair Balls has been wondering ever since we got this flier (aka flyer aka handbill) in the mail with a picture of Metro Police Chief Victor Gama Rodriguez with the words "vote of NO confidence" typed above it and the seal of Houston, Harris County, Montgomery County, Fort Bend and Waller below. No name. No other information. No return address. Just a flier.
We put on our divining hat (yes, that's a thing) and pulled out our secret decoder ring, but even after sprinkling the invisible ink visibility dust on the thing -- it was still just a flier and we're still clueless on what exactly, other than a real lack of faith in METRO PD in general and Rodriguez in particular -- the mailer was trying to convey.
Here's a pro-tip for all the would-be Deep Throats out there: If you are trying to tell journalists something, we totally get the urge to be a little mysterious -- we've seen All the President's Men a lot too -- but there's a big difference between being cryptic trench coat guy and sending us a single piece of paper that conveys about as much information as a potted plant (unless the plant has been bugged, in which case that's a whole other thing.)
We called over to METRO to see if the folks over there knew anything about it, wondering the whole time if there was something we'd missed. Was the real message more of a metaphorical art-statement thing? Was it something about ponies? Was this a really roundabout way of telling Rodriguez and/or METRO to strut his and its collective stuff with a little more assertiveness?
Spokeswoman Carolina Mendoza sounded as puzzled as we were, but she checked it out and reported back, via email:
"It appears to be anonymous, the message is ambiguous and there are no allegations of impropriety. The sender has not contacted this office."
So METRO police complainer, whoever you are, did you have a point? If so, give us a holler, or let's meet up for some creepy mystery meeting. It's hotter than hell, but wear a trench coat if you want. Just please bother to have a point. Or a pony. We would also be cool with a pony.