Summer of Johnny: Adventures in Austin, Lessons in Trolling
First, on Saturday morning, Twitter was abuzz with this video footage from Friday night of what appears to be one of the Johnnys at a party. (On the Internet, it was called a "frat party," but I'm not certain this party was actually at a frat. I think the word "frat" gets thrown in front of every college party now, whether it's at a frat house or not. Kind of like how "water cooler talk" very rarely takes place near an actual water cooler. Exact same thing.)
Most of the headlines and tweets read something like, "Johnny Manziel kicked out of frat party! OMGGGGG!!!" I'll let you be the judge:
The things we know from this video (and I'm working under the assumption that, yes, that is one of the Johnny Footballs):
1. Johnny's shirt appears to be drenched in something, so either it was really, really hot inside the party (and perhaps Johnny was dancing, too) and Johnny is soaked in his own sweat, or he had a beverage spilled on him, intent or lack thereof unknown.
2. A nearly full canned beverage, possibly
definitely beer, comes within a few inches of beaning Johnny in the head. As of this typing, this video has over 326,000 views. I'm guessing if that beer connected (and the likely subsequent donnybrook ensued), this thing would be well over 2,000,000 views. Easily.
3. As best I can tell, there is one person at the 0:16 who yells, "Get the fuck out!" presumably at Johnny. Other than that, it sounds like a lot of normal party yelling going on. Johnny appears to be leaving with a friend of his in a fairly lucid and upright manner.
So naturally, the Internet translated this 18 seconds of fairly benign footage into "Johnny Manziel Kicked Out of Frat Party." Sure, it did. It's what "the Internet" does. And if you clicked on it expecting big doings, you now know what I mean when I lament Internet hyperbole rendering something into a "popcorn fart."
Meanwhile, at a party on Saturday afternoon, the other Johnny Football that was covering Austin this weekend was pulling off the greatest troll move of all time at a UT Fiji Islander party. Observe the brilliance:
Johnny Manziel is at UT Fiji Islander pic.twitter.com/5CHN3ccrLa— Sydney Davis (@sdavy23) July 27, 2013
Yes, Johnny Fucking Football in a Tim Tebow Jets jersey. A few observations:
1. I can't stress this enough: Manziel has pulled off the greatest troll of the Internet masses of all time. The only way this troll could be any trollier would be if Manziel were driving in a car rented by Aaron Hernandez and getting road head from Amanda Bynes on his way over to Royce White's house.
2. Lost in the Johnny-o-centric nature of this picture is the fact that in the foreground is a dude wearing a Steelers Limas Sweed jersey, which would normally be a virtual lock for the "worst NFL player" jersey in any picture posted to the Internet, but with Manziel wearing a Tebow Jets jersey, Sweed's Steelers jersey doesn't even rep the worst NFL player in this picture. Incredible. Maybe the two worst NFL players in recent memory repped in the same picture.
3. I know that there are many of you out there who hate Johnny Manziel (You're wrong, by the way. You just are.), but even those of you who loathe him have to admit that in this picture, his ceiling for hateability is capped firmly by that douche bag next to him, the one with the shades pushed down to the tip of his nose. You see him, the one who looks like the love child of Jay Cutler and Corey Feldman? Yeah, that guy. Maybe this is part of Johnny's strategy to fend off the haters -- hang out with people eminently more hateable than he is.
Basketball's best shot at a proportional troll-worthy response, by the way? LeBron James wearing a Knicks Jeremy Lin jersey (with some rando rocking a Kendrick Perkins nearby).
And yet that still wouldn't even come close to touching what Johnny Football pulled off yesterday with that TEBOW #15.
And therein lies the power of Johnny Football. Or all ten of the Johnny Footballs, as it were.
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