Summer of Johnny: Adventures in Austin, Lessons in Trolling

Categories: Game Time, Sports

Saturday night, I went to a live podcast recording for some standup comedian buddies of mine. The show was at Outlaw Dave's bar over on Washington, and my buddies are four very funny guys collectively known as the "Whiskey Brothers," or as I call them, "The Four Horsemen of Dick Jokes."

At one point in the show, they asked me to come up and sit with them and knock a few topics around, which is always fun. It's one thing to hone your wit in the written word here, when you can proofread, edit and seek feedback. It's another thing entirely to do it live in front of any audience with four guys who do it for a living.

So I'm up there like I have a loaded gun in my hand, just trying not to hurt myself, and naturally, my icebreaker had to be a topic in which I was well versed, that the crowd cared deeply about and that was very comedy-friendly.

Hence, Johnny Football became a topic...

The Whiskey Brothers podcast gave me a chance to espouse my Multiple Johnnys Theory, and it is this:

When you add up the miles traveled, the number of pictures Instagrammed (congrats, Instagram, you've achieved "verb" status), the number of skanks posed with, the number of half-consumed bottles of tequila, the number of courtside NBA seats, the number of banquet circuit appearances, I think it's impossible that only one Johnny Manziel exists.

If you've ever been to Disney World, you know what I mean. At one point, you'll be over in Tomorrow Land, getting ready to ride Space Mountain, and there's Mickey Mouse in an astronaut outfit. Then ten minutes later, you're in Adventure Land, and Mickey is wearing safari gear. Then 20 minutes later, you walk past the parade down Main Street, USA, and there's Mickey emceeing the proceedings in his tux with the coattails and shit.

You quickly realize, if you're over the age of nine, that there are multiple Mickeys at Disney World.

I think this is how it works with Johnny Manziel in society. By my calculations, there are at least eight, possibly ten Johnny Footballs. Make no mistake, much like Disney making sure its best "Mickey" is available for the parade, Texas A&M makes sure its best "Johnny" is in Kyle Field on Saturdays, but I think there are at least a half dozen others.

This weekend, by my count, two of the Johnny Footballs were in Austin.

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Sweed's Saskatchewan Roughrider jerseys is a little harder to come by.

Amy McMullen
Amy McMullen

Ya'll quit hounding him! He is a normal college guy! He's not a hero, he is human and makes mistakes like everyone else!

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