Anna Benson: The New Gold Standard for Bat-Shit Crazy Exes
History will look back at pitcher Kris Benson as just another overpaid, oft-injured blip on the starting-pitcher radar screen.
With his career record of 70-75 and a career ERA of 4.42, along with career earnings in excess of $39 million, on the field and in the wallet there's virtually no difference between Benson and, say, Dave Mlicki, Chris Capuano and Adam Eaton (three of the pitchers to whom Benson is, statistically, most similar according to his baseball-reference.com page).
Figuratively, baseball's "graveyard" is full of Kris Bensons.
But it's his taste in women that sets Kris Benson "the person" apart from the rest, for Kris Benson married his wife, Anna, back in 1999, and Anna, you see, gives new meaning to the phrase "bat-shit crazy."
If we put ex-girlfriends or ex-wives who actually follow through on threats to kill their boyfriends/husbands in a separate category of "bat-shit crazy," Anna Benson was already vying for undisputed champion in the non-murder category, when you consider:
-...she was a stripper in Atlanta as a teenager (and when you break it down, "teenage stripper" is really just the cover charge to get inside the nightclub for the "bat-shit craziest girlfriend" conversation)
-...she was married at age 18 and had a kid (additional cover charge to be allowed into the "bat-shit crazy" VIP area)
-...she posed for FHM magazine, five years into their marriage, in a spread called "Baseball's Hottest Wife"
-...she went on The Howard Stern Show in New York after the FHM shoot and told Stern that if Kris (at that point a New York Met) cheated on her, she would sleep with the entire Mets roster
-...she began playing in the World Series of Poker in 2005, but was ejected for excessive swearing
-...she was the main reason that her husband was traded from the Mets to the Orioles in January 2006. (Think about the desperation that some teams exercise in order to find and retain starting pitching. Now consider that the Mets chunked Benson, a ten-game winner the previous season, for something called a "Jorge Julio" and also a "John Maine." Anna is that crazy.)