Steven Hotze Gets Funky: His New Songs Denounce Obamacare But Are Sadly Silent on Why Birth Control Makes Chicks Ugly

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Illustration by Al Cameron
Did Hotze miss his true musical calling?
We were stoked to hear that Republican activist Steven Hotze -- a physician who once extolled the virtues of 19th century snake oil such as colloidal silver and who belongs to a hardcore Christian sect that believes doctors shouldn't provide medical services on the Sabbath -- had recorded some anti-Obamacare jams.

His auto-tuned voice drops science along the lines of "Texas should be free again, it should be an independent nation" over a spare but pulsating piano-bass-and-drum track that strikes us as something you might hear in Hell's waiting room.

Admittedly, though, it did get our toes a-tappin'. We were just disappointed that Hotze didn't include any of his other scientifically sound insights -- like how all disease and disability is caused by original sin and how birth control interferes with a woman's pheromones, making her less attractive to men -- but maybe those singles are forthcoming.



We're not entirely sure why he's against Obamacare, as the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act primarily involves the finances of medical care, and one could make the argument that calling what Hotze does "medicine" is a bit of a stretch. Plus, the majority of his patients pay out of pocket -- i.e., Medicaid hasn't advanced to the levels of Hotze's medical acumen; i.e., it doesn't cover divine intervention or demonic possession, and from what we can tell, nowhere in the Affordable Care Act does it address Hotze's breakthrough discovery that "when men lose their testicles to disease or injury, they have difficulty reading a map [or] performing math problems."

Our only hope is that, next time around, he lets Kanye do the producing.



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