Some Excerpts From the Dead, Rope-Around-the-Dick NASA Dude's Kinky Novel

Categories: Whatever

What a way to go...
Hair Balls was saddened to hear about the death of former NASA official Paul Muller, who was reportedly found dead in his home in Thailand, "with a rope tied around his genitals and waist and another rope tied around his neck, hanging from a knob of his bedroom door."

Saddened and intrigued. And maybe just a little creeped-out. But when we read that Muller, who once served on the Apollo Navigation Team, was an author who wrote an "erotic thriller" called Suicide Inc., we knew we had to take a look.

According to Bangkok police, meth and sex toys were discovered in his bedroom. Perhaps he was doing research for a sequel to Suicide, Inc., which, as far as we can tell, is about a secret cannibalistic society, S&M -- not surprisingly including asphyxiation-play -- and anal douching. One thing's for sure: the dude knows how to tell a story. He had our attention from the opening paragraphs:

The doctor wheeled a special gurney into the anteroom immediately outside what had been her prison cell for several days. It was a modified version of the tupe of raised couch used for massage or cushion while the leg rests were reminiscent of the stirrups on obstetrical tables that supported bent kneed and separated legs.

"I see. It's going to be a gangbang after all?"

The doctor wiped her forehead with a cool cloth. "You will be free in a few minutes. I am pleased that you carefully douched both ways as I suggested. Please relax."


There's also this part, involving a "field guide" for selecting candidates (of people who the underground society likes to eat, it appears).

UK Residents 1987-94 and certain south Pacific islands are barred. Females: medium to medium-small breasts are preferred. -5 for others. Very large breasts are not allowed. Implants forbidden as above.....

Males: heavy body hair is not preferred (-5 to -10).
Smooth, perfect skin is a plus (+5 to +10; freckled -5.
Thick and/or long penis is a plus (+5 to +10) 7 inches is average.
Large testicles (+5), unusually small (-5)....

Oriental females a plus.
Tall black females a plus.

FYI, after we tallied all the plus and minuses, Hair Balls came in at +1 -- not bad, overall!

Interestingly, there's an "Oriental" female lead character, who may or may not be served as an appetizer by the end of the book. But that's not important. What's important is how she eroticizes a certain vegetable:

After ham sandwiches, of the best, honey-baked variety, with succulent white asparagus out of a deluxe bottle on the side, the heat of passion began to rise once again. "You know, what they say about asparagus?" "No, my Oriental flame, what do they say about them?" "Do I really have to tell you?" She picked up the last one, and slowly ate it, but only after rolling it in the mayonnaise and sucking it languorously off the end, several times more than was required to do the job.

Unfortunately, Muller leaves us hanging (no pun intended) -- we still aren't quite sure what "they say about asparagus." But at least we know that Mai (the aforementioned Oriental flame) has nice bazoombas.

Then both hands were free to cup her breasts, which were smallish but perfectly formed, with large light brown aureoles surrounding hard, pert nipples. He had his way with them, and they expanded into the most astonishing second hilltops he could have imagined.
Also, Muller's sexy cannibals know how to throw some sexy parties:
It was a magical feast for their eyes and the other senses, like nothing she had ever seen before on such a scale....There were two cages, with a naked man in one, a woman in the other. To eat or drink, they had to lap it up from doggie-style food boxes, because their hands were cuffed behind, ankles likewise. Four other visitors lined the pathway, two on each side, standing absolutely still on pedastals....Behind them, on the left, were two men tied to rings in the stone wall, passersby being invited to whip them with whatever tools they had, or any from a rack standing nearby. The sign read: "They Need Punishment, Maximum, No Blood." A customer was absolutely beating the crap out of one of them without the slightest audible response.

Well, the book surely got an audible response -- of joy -- from us. We encourage you to check it out, in Muller's memory.

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