Filomena Tobias: Middle Finger-Flipping Miami Heat Fan's 15 Minutes of Fame Has Begun
While the viral celebrities of the Internet age are, in our minds, all part of the same dysfunctional family (Ladies and gentlemen, the VIRAL Family! Tay, Chris, Antoine, Charles, and Zombie Kid! Ready for action!) , the fact of the matter is that none of them actually know each other and none of them knew exactly when their 15 minutes of fame would begin.
So while I am a huge fan of Charles Ramsey, as you know, it's hard for me to act like the interruption of his still-ticking-but-almost-up 15 minutes of fame by a new burgeoning, temporary star is the violation of some sort of "viral" code.
After all, you just never know when the clock on your quarter hour may begin. So, no, I don't blame you, Filomena Tobias, for harshing my man Chuck Ramsey's soon-to-be-expiring fame.
"Who is Filomena Tobias?" you may ask.
Well, THIS is Filomena Tobias:
Right now, you probably only know her as the fiftysomething botoxed Housewife of South Beach who said with her middle finger what a large portion of the basketball-watching part of society has been wanting to say for years: "Fuck you, Joakim Noah!!"
All it takes is a camera and a moment, and the 15-minute clock begins ticking, and so it was last night for Filomena Tobias, who we found out from a little digging (more on the digging in a moment) actually goes by the name "Phyllis."
So applying the "Seven Stages of Charles Ramsey" from yesterday, how far along exactly are we on Tobias's path to the Viral Hall of Fame?
Well, it's probably necessary for us to skip right to Stage 5 and go back and hit the other stages afterward. You all remember Stage 5, right? Background Dissection? (And by the way, I may have to shuffle the stages around to put Background Dissection closer to the beginning because this Tobias deal is proof positive that people immediately start running background checks and recognition software on the most innocuous of viral celebs.)
Well, it turns out that Filomena Tobias is not all that innocuous after all. Unless you define innocuous as "four times married and accused of murdering her fourth husband."