The Five Most Idiotic Things Louie Gohmert, Who Sees Radical Muslims Anywhere He Looks, Believes

Louie_Gohmert_Portrait.jpg
You are the reason people will continue to mock Texas for decades to come.
Louis Gohmert doesn't need evidence. He doesn't need proof, or sourcing, or the ability to back up a claim with anything other than the vitriol in his voice and the consternation in his gut. All he needs is an idea, and a microphone, and away we go.

Gohmert's idiocies idiosyncrasies have brought plenty of poor repute to his Tyler-based district, comprising 12 counties that have been as satisfied with Gohmert's run as a dung beetle is with the massed, messy ball it enjoys rolling around. And Gohmert's latest outburst -- alleging that the Obama administration isn't simply kowtowing to the Muslim Brotherhood, but that they've actually infiltrated his rank -- fits wonderfully within his trend of head-in-the-sand statements that make people wonder why anyone would choose to actually live in Texas.

It's a shame that Gohmert won't be around when future textbooks remind children of how studiously stupid you can look when you fail to corroborate claims with attendant evidence. However, with this list of the five most imbecilic things Gohmert's ever asserted, here's hoping he may have some taste as to how future generations will view both him and those who've decided to reelect him ad nauseum:

5. While discussing the putative reality that caribou, for some reason that only a rural Texan representative could fathom, enjoy the warmth of an oil pipeline: "So when [caribou] want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline. ... So my real concern now [is] if oil stops running through the pipeline ... do we need a study to see how adversely the caribou would be affected if that warm oil ever quit flowing?"

I'm pretty sure that the only thing we'd need a follow-up study on, Mr. Gohmert, is whether you have cracked a lone biology book within the past few decades, or if you'd like to cite, I don't know, a single study purporting to back up the notion that a warm pipeline -- a warm pipeline -- will expedite the mating rituals of ungulates. (Or have you ever even encountered the word "ungulate" before?) Fortunately, George HW Bush had a thought along the same lines, saying, "The caribou love [the pipeline]. They rub against it and they have babies." Fair enough, Mr. President. Whatever you say.

4. After the massacre in Aurora, Colo., Gohmert determined that the cause of James Holmes's rampage wasn't, say, mental health issues, or some form of social trigger -- but, rather, that he didn't have the appropriate fear of a vengeful, unforgiving God: "You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of terror like this takes place. ... We've threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God's name, they're going to be jailed ... I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don't want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present."

Right, Louie. I'm sure your God took such great offense to being taken out of the valedictory remarks that he let 12 people get gunned down. I'm sure your God is such an egoistic priss that he decided to get back at us for not being the sufficiently pious nation we once were -- what, like when we legally sanctioned Jim Crow? or when your state employed human chattel? or when we snapped every antebellum treaty signed with a Native American tribe? -- that He said, No, fine, James, this is all you, whatever you want. I'm sure that's how your Judeo-Christian God works. He has feelings too, you know.



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32 comments
anthony.kurt.mackay
anthony.kurt.mackay

I'm impressed that anyone has the editorial fortitude to limit this list to just 5 items.  Calling him a retarded redneck insults the mentally disabled and the social hillbillies.

intrepid_64
intrepid_64

It's really hard to believe how stupid this guy is.  I don't think I've ever in my entire life heard a US congressman say so many absurd things.  This guy is by far the dumbest, most xenophobic, retarded, mind numbed moron in existence; and he's competing in a party full of them.  This guy takes the prize.  I'm starting to think he's crazy. There's definitely one or two hundred loose bolts in this guy's head. 


He's embarrassing Texas.  I hope!

riceroni
riceroni

Everyone in Texas' 1st congressional district should hang their heads in collective shame for electing this semi-functional mental retard to the United States congress. I was in Jasper and got into a one sided political debate with a local mental midget (a conservative) and asked a single question that could not be answered... "Name ONE SINGLE piece of legislation sponsored by Louie Gohmert that addresses jobs, immigration, poverty, or ANYTHING people who work their ass off everyday sit at the kitchen table to discuss care about?" This idiot couldn't name ONE! 

Fernando Moya
Fernando Moya

Just when we think Texas is taking those baby steps forward.....RAKE!

Stuart48
Stuart48

There is something wrong with that boy. For one thing, he is rude beyond belief, pandering to the east Texas fruit loops that will believe anything faux news puts before them. What an easy job he has. No real research necessary. Just opens his mouth, wags his tongue, sucks on his dentures, and who knows what will come out. Never ask him a question because you will just be "taking shots at me." It's amazing who some Americans will pay to waste the nation's time.

bluebayouboy
bluebayouboy

How proud East Texans should be. You've replaced two respected leaders and champions in Congress - - - Jack Brooks and Charlie Wilson- - - with the two biggest morons in politics - Goober Gohmert and wacko Steve Stockman.       When I think of uneducated rednecks in Texas I think of Vidor and Tyler - - hard to fix stupid.

yippeekaiyai
yippeekaiyai

With the examples presented, and the continued absence of substantive proof for his conspiracy scatter-shooting, I am reminded of the words of Nigel Tufnel upon hearing the valid criticism of his work: "That's nit-picking, isn't it?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ruDdcd8G-g


misterwilder
misterwilder

Sure...Gohmert may be a complete friggin' moron...but the saddest part is, he may be one of the smartest Republicans left in America.

mk3521
mk3521

"He doesn't need proof, or sourcing, or the ability to back up a claim with anything other than the vitriol in his voice and the consternation in his gut. All he needs is an idea, and a microphone, and away we go."

Hmmm... that sounds very familiar. Let me think, Harry Reid accusing Romney of not paying taxes maybe. Or maybe it was the Obama campaign's assertion that Romney caused someone to die of cancer?

The street runs both ways.

Anse
Anse

We saw the same kind of conservative hysteria during FDR's New Deal, the Red Scare of the 50's, the paranoia over newly freed slaves post-Civil War...it's just a thing for us. It's probably not even unique to Americans. Populist conservatives are just insane by nature. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if most of this is an act. 

Noelle A. Perry
Noelle A. Perry

i fucking hate this guy. he's reason 57567 i want to get out of exile in BFE east texas and back to houston.

jimcr77336
jimcr77336

What an incredibly petty article. 

casey.michel
casey.michel

@JohnSeabornGray What's that line about great minds?

'Does that make God an ancient pagan deity who greedily drinks our lamentations when the crops fail? Or Does it make Him a protection racketeer? Does God have a plan, or does he abandon it from time to time when He gets moody? Does He get frustrated and walk out of the office when He doesn't hear enough praise? Is that what's happening? Is God playing hardball for a praise raise?'

KevininPHX
KevininPHX

@mk3521 I'm trying to imagine how pathetically ignorant one has to be to go on a public forum and defend Louie Gohmert.  It's friggin' mind-boggling.

Anse
Anse

No. We're done pretending that the stupidity on proud display in the GOP resembles anything we hear or see out of the Left. Own it, it's yours. If it embarrasses you, that's not our fault, and no amount of making false equivelencies is going to change that. You won't gain the high road by trying to turn the tables. You won't win the debate by accusing us of doing the same crap because we are NOT doing the same crap. Most Republicans know this, too. They just lack the character and courage to admit it.

youngandfuntexans
youngandfuntexans

@Anse Talk about re-writing history! You do know it was the Republican Party that freed slaves, right? And you do know it was the Democrats who had the most KKK members, right? Your thought process needs some balance before anyone could ever take you seriously...  

H_e_x
H_e_x

@jimcr77336 If by article you mean politician, then I am in complete agreement.

youngandfuntexans
youngandfuntexans

@Anse Have you ever heard SJL speak? You guys DO have a lot of high functioning retards working for you too. Now, go call your thought police and tell them I used the "R" word. 

bobdouglas
bobdouglas

@youngandfuntexans@Anse 

    Real history more democrats voted for civil rights than republicans, and the dems who voted against were southern which turned republican because of the vote.      

          Senate vote

Democratic Party: 46–21  Republican Party: 27–6     

      House vote 

            Democratic Party: 153–91,Republican Party: 136–35                                            

Anse
Anse

@youngandfuntexans @Anse The Republican Party freed the slaves, which is why black people overwhelmingly vote Republican. Oh wait, but they don't. Why not? When you can answer that question correctly, you'll have something. 

Kylejack
Kylejack topcommenter

@youngandfuntexans It is you re-writing history, youngandfuntexans. Anse said populist conservative hysteria, nothing about Republicans. For example, Wade Hampton III, a conservative Bourbon Democrat who opposed Reconstruction after the Civil War. Or didn't you know that political parties shift the positions over time?

Anse
Anse

@youngandfuntexans @Anse Sheila Jackson Lee? Yeah but here's the difference between us and rightwing dopes: nobody in the Democratic Party gives a shit about Sheila Jackson Lee except her voters. If she tried to run for president, she'd be laughed out of the first primary. I doubt she could even win Harris County. But for the GOP, outrageous stupidity is considered a virtue and will make you a rising star.

mondayrose93
mondayrose93

Also because Sean Hannity's followers believe he is so over-educated.

waltonS
waltonS

@Anse  Let's see, they're also losing the economic debate with ideas like: 1) Austerity is the path to economic growth 2) trickle-down 3) Inflation is just around the corner!! 4) Beware of those bond vigilantes!! 5) Our national debt needs first-priority status...now, now, now.

They've consistently been wrong about the economy. But don't hold your breath for an admission. They'd rather say like this guy: let's be civil and nice and get along. So ironic this is their line when they are called on getting facts wrong.


Anse
Anse

Rightwingers are incredibly cocksure. They were sure they were going to clean house in the last election; they lost. They lost the gay marriage debate, though many don't know they've lost it already. They're losing the immigration debate. They're losing the false voter fraud debate; all it's doing is driving blacks and Hispanics to the polls in even greater numbers. Losing is what conservatives do, though they like to think otherwise, because they don't talk to anybody else but other conservatives--unless it is to lecture us liberals, which they love to do, even while they're losing. Don't get me wrong. I know rightwingers are going to be a force for a long time. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm just waiting for the inevitable change that will happen on the Right, probably years from now, when you guys will try to do with these various issues what you already try to do with MLK's legacy: embrace it, and then falsely claim that you were supporters of it all along. You can't win the war, but you can try to revise history to make it look like you did. That won't work either, but when have rightwingers ever rejected something because it didn't work?

riceroni
riceroni

@Anse @youngandfuntexans Your ignorance of history is par for the course for being a conservative. First of all before I attempt to educate you for free. Learn the difference between political party and political ideology. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, and Dwight Eisenhower were all "REPUBLICANS" but were LIBERALS! These "Republicans" were NOT "CONSERVATIVES". Read a book or two and find out how the ideological shift in the two parties happened and what sent all the racist right-wing democrats packing into the republican party and all the congenial social justice republicans packing into the Democratic party.

riceroni
riceroni

@Kylejack You have to excuse people like @youngandfuntexans they're conveniently and willfully ignorant of historical facts. Especially those that expose conservatism for the social and economic evil that it is.  

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