DEAD GIVEAWAY: The Seven Stages of Charles Ramsey
Thanks to the Internet, we can now Christmas shop without having to leave the comfort of our own homes, Johnny Manziel can take an entire semester's worth of courses at Texas A&M without leaving his apartment or even putting on pants, and no longer do junior high boys have to sneak copies of Playboy out of a convenience store in order to look at naked women.
And perhaps most important, the Internet has allowed us to accelerate at breakneck speed our viral hero worship of vigilante dishwashers in Cleveland.
In 2013, Twitter, Facebook and streaming video are the Hollywood talent scouts, and guys like Charles Ramsey are the stars.
Not that he doesn't deserve the accolades.
For practically a decade, Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight were held captive by three Cleveland-area brothers, and for practically a decade, day in and day out, they had unspeakable acts committed upon them. For whatever reason, reasons that will become clearer as the days go on, Monday was the day that Amanda Berry was finally able to break free long enough to scream loud enough for someone to hear her.
That someone was Charles Ramsey, a dishwasher at a local restaurant who happened to be sitting at his house within earshot while chowing down on a Big Mac. He helped free Amanda Berry, he made a now legendary call to 9-1-1 and he did this interview with a local news affiliate:
What transpired over the next 48 hours (in tandem with the really important part of the story, the actual rescue of the three women) is the textbook evolution of a viral hero, or as we will call it for our purposes "The Seven Stages Of Charles Ramsey."
STAGE 1: FAKE TWITTER ACCOUNTS
You may think you're famous, but you're not truly famous until somebody creates a fake Twitter account with your image, channeling and satirizing all of your verbal idiosyncrasies. The presence of a fake Twitter account is honestly a more accurate gauge of whether or not someone is a celebrity than their having the blue "verified" check mark. Well, a handful of fake Charles Ramsey accounts have surfaced in the 48 hours since he became part of our lives. The best one, in my opinion, is @YaBoiCharlesRam:
If you're kidnapped tweet me. I'll rescue you bro.— Charles Ramsey (@YaBoiCharlesRam) May 7, 2013
STAGE 2: ANDERSON COOPER INTERVIEW
Interviews on an international stage are a must, and landing a spot as a subject of an Anderson Cooper live interview is like winning the viral hero version of American Idol. (For the record, winding up on The Today Show is the equivalent of winning The Voice, winding up on Good Morning, America is like winning Dancing With The Stars, and winding up on Entertainment Tonight is like getting rejected on Elimidate.)
Here is the video of Anderson Cooper's five-star interview with Charles Ramsey: