Now That We've Decided to Arm Fetuses, How Do We Get 'Em the Weapons They Need?
It's been a few days since we checked in with Rep. Steve Stockman's belief that the only way to prevent abortions is to provide zygote Uzis and fetal firearms. You can apparently obtain one of his now-famous bumper stickers, pictured right, with a donation of only $10 to the Congressman's re-election camp. (As much as we'd like to, alas, journalistic ethics prevented us for asking for a bundle in exchange for all this free publicity we're sending Stockman's camp. Have to pay for them like the rest of you, unfortunately.)
Jesus friggin' Christ, guys.
Thankfully, the Internet has finally come through, with national pubs getting this Onion-inspired bumper sticker the play it deserves. I'm sure there's no amount of public shaming that will get Stockman to change his tune -- "If they're pissed, we're doing something right!" -- and we'll have to wait until 2014 to see if we'll get more blatula-strapped swag we can save for future generations.
In the meantime, we've attempted to cobble the 10 best Tweets from the past few days reacting to Stockman's grammar-challenged attempt at ... humor? rhetoric? evidence of the abject failure of the Detroit school system? Have a look-see, and tell me each wouldn't make a better bumper sticker along the way:
.@reelectstockman I was going to write something clever. But this will more than suffice:You sir, are an idiot.— Martyn LeNoble (@martynlenoble) April 13, 2013
We should have let Mexico keep Texas. swampland.time.com/2013/04/12/ste...— CJ Gates (@ceejgates) April 15, 2013
@reelectstockman - please take the gun,turn it around,and do America a huge favor. Seriously.— Ryan Leonard (@ryankleonard) April 13, 2013
@reelectstockman I highly doubt that a fetus would have the strength or dexterity to pull the trigger & would be killed by the recoil anyway— tres dessert (@tresdessert) April 12, 2013
.@reelectstockman How would we teach the little fetus to aim and fire? How about fetal suicides? Accidental shootings?— Laura Byrnes (@Laura_Byrnes) April 13, 2013
@reelectstockman do it, people. steve stockman eats turds to live, and he needs more money to buy more turds.— didier dogbro (@buttplanet) April 13, 2013
Oooh I know, you can put the gun in at the same time you do that forced trans-vaginal ultrasound! @reelectstockman— Laura Byrnes (@Laura_Byrnes) April 13, 2013