Top Five Things to Do in Houston Sports This Weekend: The Upper Crusty Edition
The above image is exactly what we imagine you say when you see the weekly headline announcing the best things to do in sports this weekend. You're all, "FUCK YEAH, MOTHER EFFER! IT'S TIME FOR SPORTS! WOO!"
Then you read about the things we have to offer and you're all, "YEAH...wait, what?" That's because not all sports are for you, Jocky McSportyguy. Some people like a more sophisticated brand of recreation that goes down smooth like a white wine spritzer. You should try one. They are delicious!
In their honor, our list this week is all about the elite, the upper echelon, the upper crust...the crustier the better. But, don't worry, there's still some hootin' and hollerin' to be done as well and you won't be disappointed even if your idea of a classy evening is all-you-can-eat chicken wings while watching UFC.
5. The Masters
On Televisions across the country.
Ah, the grand tradition of the Masters with the green jacket, the inherent racism and the soft voice of Jim Nantz making you want to punch a kitten in the face. Still, the first PGA major of the year is a damn fine sports spectacle and a great way to catch some Zs on a Sunday afternoon in front of the tube.
4. Men's Clay Court Championships
River Oaks Country Club
1600 River Oaks Blvd.
Houston, Texas 77019
The finals of the Mens Clay Court Championships are this weekend at the River Oaks Country Club. If that doesn't make you want to say, "Why, Chad, that is a fine ascot you are wearing" while smoking a pipe, I don't know what does. Clay is a weird surface for tennis and is something of a specialty for tennis players, but the action is always fast and furious and these guys are real pros, so worth checking out.
3. Rice vs. University of Central Florida
Friday, 6:30 p.m.; Saturday, 2 p.m.; Sunday, 1 p.m.
Campus of Rice University
Don't let the locale fool you, Rice University is Ivy League material. You can smell it when you walk on campus, an air of superiority emanating from the oversized craniums of students and faculty. Playing on the beautiful diamond of Reckling Park just adds to the gentile vibe. But, they still have beer!