(UPDATE: I'm an Idiot) Chandler Parsons's Curious Case of (Ahem) "Food Poisoning"
Well, not being totally sure of alternate, non-basketball definitions of the "triple double," I did what any self-respecting 44-year-old white male with no street cred would do -- I went to urbandictionary.com to look it up, and if I may say, if Parsons was partaking in some of the "triple doubles" outlined therein, I could see where "food poisoning" might actually be code for "gonorrhea" or "chafed scrotum."
But alas, if you Google "triple double" along with "corn dog," it quickly becomes apparent that Parsons was partaking in an old "f
rat boy" ritual involving the day-long consumption of 100 tater tots, ten corn dogs and ten PBR beers, or as Carlos Lee likes to call it, "breakfast."
If you think the story is a reach, just know that Parsons was spotted Sunday at one of the many James Coney Island locations in the Greater Houston area:
Since there are virtually no other 24-year-old, nearly seven-foot-tall dudes with a jar of gel caked into their hair, I have to believe this really was Parsons that this person's friend saw.
This brings us to Monday night's game with Orlando, a 111-103 Rockets win where they played without Parsons and without James Harden, whose ankle injury appears to be completely non-food-related. The Rockets are in a dogfight for the sixth seed in the Western Conference, and Parsons is arguably their second or third most important player, so this was a big win.
I have to think that Parsons will be back for Wednesday's game against Sacramento, and if the story of the "triple double" is indeed true, Rockets fans will be a little miffed, but all's well that ends well. They won the Orlando game, so no big deal. Rocket fans love Chandler Parsons.
Joey Chestnut thinks he's fucking soft, though.
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