One Man's (Idiotic?) 2013 Baseball Predictions

Categories: Sports

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Who's ready for Opening Day?
The major league baseball season opened on Sunday night with the Rangers traveling to Rangers Ballpark in Arlington South to face the Astros. Most of the teams started up yesterday, and the rest of the league will get under way today.

With the season starting, it's time once again to make a fool of myself and make a few predictions for this upcoming baseball season. So the Astros will suck, Jim Crane will continue to say stupid things and fans will continue to be gouged whenever they set foot in Minute Maid Park.

Now for the rest of baseball.



1. Tampa Bay Rays
Joe Maddon is perhaps the best manager in baseball. The rotation is the best in the American League. When healthy, Evan Longoria is perhaps the best third baseman in baseball. It's a shame that nobody in the Tampa Bay area really cares about the Rays.

2. Baltimore Orioles
Buck Showalter worked magic with this team last season. That magic got the Orioles into the playoffs, and they're going to need that magic once again this season.

3. Toronto Blue Jays
The Blue Jays are the Miami Marlins of 2013, especially since they traded for many of the key players on the 2012 Marlins squad. And everyone knows how the 2012 season turned out for the Marlins.

4. New York Yankees
Alex Rodriguez, injured. Derek Jeter, injured. The team is old, and didn't go on a big money spree this offseason.

5. Boston Red Sox
Last season wasn't Bobby Valentine's fault. Nor was it the fault of Carl Crawford or Adrian Gonzalez. The team just got old, and it got bad. This season will not be any better.

1. Detroit Tigers
The Tigers are about the only thing associated with Detroit that still works.

2. Cleveland Indians
Because some team has to finish in second place.

3. Chicago White Sox
Douchebag Cubs fans may no longer come to Minute Maid Park, but now they'll be replaced by White Sox fans, who really aren't much better.

4. Kansas City Royals
George H.W. Bush was president the last time the Royals were relevant to the game of baseball. George P. Bush might be president the next time they're relevant.

5. Minnesota Twins
This team has faded into nothingness. Thankfully the Astros are around to prevent them from being the worst team in the American League.

Location Info


Minute Maid Park

501 Crawford, Houston, TX

Category: General

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