Cabo 2013: Your Johnny Football Spring Break Update!
On Monday, I compared the Houston Texans in free agency to the Wheel of Fortune shopper that scooped a meager, one-letter-remaining puzzle for a few hundred bucks. That description would imply that the Texans are at least doing some shopping.
Or, as Johnny Football calls it, Tuesday. (JUST KIDDING, Johnny Football lawyers.)
In reality, thus far, they've been more like the dude who lands on "BANKRUPT" or "LOSE A TURN" every spin. They're has been zero buzz coming from Kirby (at least there was until Bob McNair's private jet left this morning to go pick up Ed Reed). Actually, even worse, the thieves from other NFL teams are coming in and stealing the stuff the Texans already owned.
James Casey? Gone. Glover Quin? Signed with the Lions. Connor Barwin? Actual interest from numerous other teams.
So as we watch the free agency parade go by in Houston, there's only one place I can go that will sufficiently pick me up -- Johnny Manziel's Twitter feed!
As I mentioned late last week, Johnny Football announced to the world that he was on his way to Cabo for a "well needed" vacation. After a brief stop in Toronto over the weekend (He was spotted, where else, courtside at a Toronto Raptors game), Spring Break was off and running for JFF!
Well, not totally off and running. He did have to endure the pain of this preachy exchange with the self-appointed conscience of Twitter, ESPN's Darren Rovell....
Assuming every person in Texas A&M's athletic offices gets Johnny Manziel's tweets pushed to their phone, taking deep breaths with each 1.— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) March 12, 2013
@jmanziel2 by choosing this path I was eluding to the fact that the whole university is relying on you because of what you do. That's all.— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) March 12, 2013
@jmanziel2 I have hope that you can be a normal kid, but nothing about what comes with fame and fortune is ever normal.— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) March 12, 2013
@darrenrovell I appreciate you clarifying that, and I will do everything I can in the future to make A&M and my university proud.— Johnny Manziel (@JManziel2) March 12, 2013
nothing that, Darren.
But once he was able to brush Rovell aside, then Johnny Football could go do some of his Johnny Football things!
First, there was the great Longhorn Tattoo Scandal, with a shirtless Johnny appearing poolside with some of his buddies sporting what appeared to be a fresh, new tattoo of a longhorn logo on his left rib cage:
Yes, Johnny Manziel has a Longhorn tattoo: twitter.com/SEC_Logo/statu...— The SEC Logo (@SEC_Logo) March 12, 2013
For a kid who was reportedly a lifelong Longhorn fan, spurned by Mack Brown (as a quarterback, at least), and now the patron saint of Aggie Nation, Manziel was thought to be executing the ultimate heat check with his maroon-clad sycophants. Alas, the frenzy over the small patch of ink (whatever frenzy there was), was much ado about nothing as Manziel pulled the curtain back on the permanency of the tat via Twitter:
FAKE tattoo..— Johnny Manziel (@JManziel2) March 13, 2013
So in addition to "Heisman-winning dual-threat quarterback" and "poon slayer extraordinaire," add "diabolical internet troll" to Johnny Football's list of distinctions.
From there, Johnny got loose on Twitter all day Tuesday, replying to literally dozens of tweets from friends, followers, and haters, including telling one Alabama fan that he basically fucked his mother...