Five Ways the Inaugural Mass Is Different from the Presidential Inauguration

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You know you thought it.
Pope Francis had his inaugural mass in the Vatican Square and, much like a presidential inauguration, a bunch of people came from all corners to bear witness. In some ways, the two inaugurations are not that dissimilar. There is singing. There are speeches. There are glimpses of the new pope and president. There is wailing and gnashing of teeth (in the case of the president, that comes from Fox News). There's even the strong presence of the illuminati...or is there?

Still, there are a lot of things that are different as well. Here are five.

5. Chanting.

There's a lot of chanting in Catholicism. The only chants you might hear during a presidential inauguration are really just groaning from the losing party. This year, it may have been the gentle sobs of John Boehner, we can't be certain.


4. The president walks, the pope cruises.

After his speech, the president walks down Pennsylvania Avenue in a victory march that only dates back to the '70s, surprisingly. It's a moment for the newly elected first family to greet the people (and Al Roker). The key, though, is that he walks. The pope, on the other hand, cruises in the back of a car like he's at a St. Patrick's Day parade.


3. Nothing sung by Beyoncé, live or otherwise.

Queen B took a lot of crap for lip-synching the National Anthem at the inauguration. Maybe that's why she wasn't invited to Rome to sing "Ave Maria" or some other classic religious jam. I'd like to hear her get funky with "Come, Ye Thankful People, Come." Maybe she could bring out the rest of Destiny's Child and drop it like it's hot.


2. Better hats in Rome.

There have been some pretty amazing hats at presidential inaugurations. The ladies get all dolled up as they get an early start on Easter bonnets. But nothing compares to the papacy, which has the award for haberdashery all sewn up.


1. No Joe Biden

What inauguration is complete without one crazy uncle roaming the streets, glad-handing everyone, kissing babies even if they don't want to be kissed and cozying up to all the ladies in an uncomfortable but not creepy way? Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you that Joe Biden should be the official mascot of all inaugurations, forever. Amen.


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