15 More of the Worst Astros Baseball Cards Ever

Categories: Sports

Thank God that Upper Deck covered Doug Drabek's humongous bulge with that logo.
Houston Astros 2013 spring training season kicked into high gear this week in Kissimmee, Florida, and fans are ready to see how the team fares in their new American League digs, which more likely than not means copious losses, beer bottles broken over televisions and the testicular fortitude of a snake-charmer to get through nine innings of a game without eating your new hat in frustration.


The 15 Worst Astros Baseball Cards

But hey, it's still the Astros, and we're unrepentant homers who love them whether or not we can name more than three players. Is Jose Altuve still on our team? He is? Cool. I like him because I remembered his name and he is a little person.

This week my thoughts turned once again to the Astros' baseball card legacy. Because I was a shut-in as a child and growing up, my baseball card collection was my best friend, kinda like how porn was when I was in my early 20s.

I found plenty more awful Astros baseball cards to make us laugh for 2013. May I never ever run out of Tony Scott cards to giggle at.

15. Curt Schilling isn't trying to look cool, he's covering up hickies he got from a slutty chick he picked up at the Shoney's near the Astrodome the night before this photo shoot.

14. The best achievement ever is when your eyebrows and mustache can reach a sort of cosmic equality on your face. If you don't believe in intelligent design after seeing this picture of Dave Meads, you should burn in hell.

13. "Not bringing a full sack of chaw to the game? That's a paddling. Forget your jock strap? That's a paddling."

Location Info


Minute Maid Park

501 Crawford, Houston, TX

Category: General

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help

I'm now in my mid 40's and spent a great deal of my youth in Houston . I was all about the Astros teams of the 1970's . It's not going to matter a whole lot photograph wise, w/ the players in that horrible,  classic-orange, color assortment, uniform disaster . Several could be ranked amongst professional sports' worst !

I live in Denver & support both city's teams equally . I'm walking distance from Coors Field & have only missed a few Astros/Rockies games . I'll wear a Rockies hat & shorts along w/ an Astros jersey . ( Or some variation . )  I get more remarks when I wear the 'classic' Houston jersey and not sportin' a c-boy hat or a ridiculous pair of boots to complete the 'ensemble' .


Scooter Tucker card FAIL--Astros card--but clearly you can see by the signage it was taken in San Diego. Not good.

Now Trending

Houston Concert Tickets

From the Vault